A Taste of Honey

At the start of the 29^th season

At the Orpheus Theater

The acting company lost one of its members

My husband

I was doing A Taste of Honey

And Jim, the Artistic Director

Asked me if I wanted to step out

And have one of the other actresses

Take my place

I said ‘Absolutely not’

And I went on

I went on every night

Without fail

My husband and Jim were sleeping together

And Jim contracted the same disease

My husband did

I didn’t contract anything

Because my husband and I

Rarely had relations

In fact, I’m not sure we ever did

It’s been so long now

And I’ve been dead

For a few years now

A brain tumor

It was quick

Thank God

I’ve seen what happens when it’s not...quick, I mean

My husband and I got married

Because I’m from Canada

And I wanted to live in America

I was doing summer stock

In California

And he met me

We became great friends

And when I told him

I didn’t want to go back home

He said—‘To hell with it then, let’s get married’

And that’s what we did

He was a wonderful man

Losing him made me lose my faith

But not my faith in theater

If anything, it strengthened it

I came to believe in the relentlessness of art

How it just…goes on

That’s both infuriating

And comforting

When you’ve suffered a loss

The rest of the acting company rallied around me

When he passed

Even though I wasn’t the one who needed the support

Jim needed the support

So after the funeral

I went to his office

And found him

Sitting on the floor

Silently

Holding a picture of him and Chris

Like a little girl would hold a doll

I sat down next to him

I held him

They used to call him Mr. Hollywood

Because he was flashy

And kind of slimy

Like a car salesman

But the truth is

He just never had enough sincerity in his life

And I felt great compassion for him

Because of that

When he fell in love with my husband

I think it changed him

And when Chris died

I think it changed him again

When you’re broken

And fixed

And then broken again

It’s usually impossible

To try fixing yourself again

I left the acting company

After A Taste of Honey

It was too difficult

Being around the theater

All those memories

Theaters seem to hold more memories

Than normal places, don’t they?

I know people have opinions

About how we all were back then

But I don’t think about them too much

I just think of the fun stuff

Because we really did have

A lot of fun

Whatever anybody tells you

Just know this—

There was a lot of love in that building

Was it messed up, sloppy, confused

Ridiculous, complicated sort of love?

Absolutely

But it was still love

I can promise you that