The Dark at the Top of the Stairs

We did the The Dark at the Top of the Stairs

Without stairs

This was 1997

November, I think

And we had this director

That went to college with Samantha

So she hired him

Even though I’m fairly sure

He was brain dead

And I don’t mean disabled

I mean, clinically brain dead

Because, as I said

We did The Dark at the Top of the Stairs

And—no stairs

Not that the stairs are an integral part of the play

But they are mentioned in, you know

The title

So…there you go

(Clears throat)

Does anybody have a drink?

I could really go for a drink

I don’t look old enough to drink, I know

You forget that 1997

Was fifteen years ago

Although I do prefer

My eighteen-year-old form

Much better

I will admit

We didn’t even have the suggestion of stairs

We didn’t even hint at stairs

We were stairless

So where the dark was

I have no idea

The director had this very bare bones fetish

And so all we had were chalk drawings of furniture on the ground

And this live chicken

That kept running around

And it was meant to symbolize—

Jesus, I don’t know

Suffering, or something

God knows I was suffering

Can nobody find me a fucking drink?

Jesus Christ

Just a drink, people

Just anything

I started drinking around that time, you know

Had my first drink

With one of the older actors in the cast

I was indoctrinated into that special club

Of drinking actors

A subset of the actual acting company

Which I was never actually allowed to join

Because that, uh, director

Said that I was difficult

And by ‘difficult’ he meant

That I wouldn’t put his dick

Anywhere near me

Do you understand what I’m saying?

Do you get all of this?

Now can somebody get me a DRINK?

It’s surreal

It really is

This—whatever

Nobody believed me

Why should they?

I was lying

And yet I believed it

Because we fucked

He and I

But in my mind

I thought it was wrong

It wasn’t forced

But I thought it was wrong

All the same

Does that make sense?

Fuck you

It doesn’t need to make sense

To you

Only me

No stairs

Chalk drawings

A hand up my skirt

Yes, that’s fine

That’s just fine

Go higher, all right?

Go higher

I’ll see you when you get there

Go until you feel the dark

That’s right

There you are

Now can I have a drink?

Really, that’s all I want

A nice

Cool

Drink