About actors who had to choose
Between the theater
And something else
And ended up choosing the theater
Well I didn’t
I chose the something else
The last show I was in
wasn’t that long ago
2009—The Subject Was
Roses
Then my wife said, ‘Enough’
‘Time to get a real job’
Because she’d read some article somewhere
About all these regional theaters going under
And she was worried about my lack of job security
I told you when you’re an artist
There’s never security
So she made me stop being an artist
And start being a championship poker player
Believe it or not, she considered that
Less risky
So now, when I’m not betting my entire life
On whether or not somebody has a four of diamonds
I’m sitting on my porch
Drinking a beer
Thinking about theater
I won’t say it’s all I think about
Because I have kids
Kids with braces
A wife who seems determined
To have more kids
Than the mother on The
Waltons
And a house
That will never, ever be fully paid for
Or restored
So I think about all that
And then I think about theater
You know, I gave it up a few times on my own
And when it was my decision
It was pretty easy
But having someone make you do it
Is just…
It’s a whole different thing
I drink a beer
I hear crickets in the yard
I realize it’s three am
And I’m wide awake
Mouthing lines to plays
I was never even in
It’s like I’m haunted
Not necessarily by what I miss
But by the decision itself
I feel like I abandoned something
A child or…
Never mind, that sounds crazy
And does it hurt?
It doesn’t hurt
That’s the thing
It really doesn’t
It just pulls at you
The way, I don’t know
The way a little kid
Would tug on your arm
To get your attention
Theater—it…tugs on my arm
It says ‘Where’d you go? Why’d you leave?
When are you coming back?’
And I just keep saying—
‘I don’t know…’
I don’t know
No comments:
Post a Comment