We were all sort of on edge
Because of stuff that was going on around the theater
One of the actors was sick
And we weren’t supposed to know about it
Because he was married to another actress in the company
Who knew he was gay
But didn’t know he was positive
Or that he was sleeping with Jim
The Artistic Director
Who was also now positive
Shit was…fuck
You know?
Sorry for swearing
But you’re in the theater now
You don’t like swearing
There’s the fucking door
Besides, it’s—what year is it now?
I’ve been dead for ten years
Guy mugged me on the street
And shot me after he took my five dollar bill
Isn’t that something?
Anyway, this isn’t about me
This is when the whole dysfunctional acting company family
Went to Jim’s house by the lake
So we could have fun
And pretend the entire company
Wasn’t this huge ball of fucking tension
How was I all mixed up in this
Aside from the fact
That I had to work with all these freaks?
I was one of them
I’d been sleeping with the guy’s wife
The wife who wasn’t positive?
My hair went gray that year
I’m not fucking kidding
I was a nervous wreck
People already thought I was gay
For working at a theater
If I ended up with AIDS
Can you imagine?
And yeah, maybe that doesn’t sound PC
But at the time
It was the truth
There’s not much room for sensitivity
When you’re walking by people on the street
Who look like lepers
And you’re suddenly thinking to yourself
Man, did somebody drop me in Bombay
When I wasn’t looking?
Anyway, we had just finished our last show of the season
It was Lips Together,
Teeth Apart
And we all hopped in our cars
And drove right to the lake
Spent the day and night up there
And the plan was to come back Monday night
Well, during the night
I feel somebody tapping on my shoulder
And it’s, uh, the guy
Who, I mean, I don’t want to say his name
And get him in…
It was Chris
And, uh, he said, ‘You wanna go swimming?’
And I, fuck, I don’t know why
But I said ‘Sure’
I mean, it was fucking hot
And I knew he wasn’t hitting on me
Or anything
I mean, he knew I was screwing his wife on the side
And they were only together
Because she was Canadian
And needed a green card
So who cares, right?
So we go swimming
In the night
In, like, our underwear
And, uh, he steps on a rock
Or something
Cuts his foot
So I jump out of the water
Because, you know
Back then, you didn’t know what could or couldn’t infect you
But, I mean, let’s say I had a cut
Or I stepped on a rock
And didn’t know it
And we’re in the—
I mean, I knew it wasn’t that simple
But I’d come so close, you know?
To fucking getting it
I got lucky, okay?
Because this woman
This woman I’d been seeing
Was LIVING with this guy
So who knows how much contact
She’d had with him, you know?
I mean, I didn’t know
Anyway, we went and sat on the shore
And he didn’t say anything
About me freaking out
And we just sort of sat there and…
He said he was sad that the season was over
And I said ‘Yeah’
And then he asked me
If I hated him
For, you know, the whole
Situation
And I said, because, at the time
I was a little…
I said ‘How I feel about you
Is none of your damn business’
That makes me sound like an asshole, I know
But that’s the truth
So we just sat there
And, you know, morning came
And people got up
And went in the lake
And I feel like, when I remember it all
We’re both just sitting there
Like…
Like the world’s just going on
Around us
Then at some point
I look over…
And he’s not there anymore
And I don’t know when he got up
And walked away
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