The Seagull

The thing you have to understand

Is that I’d been promised Arkadina

For years

For.  Years.

Jim used to tell me

‘Next year, next year, we’ll do The Seagull’

And then for some reason or other

It never happened

Then Sam took over

And the first thing she announced

Was that we were closing her first season

At the Orpheus

With The Seagull

And she was going to play Arkadina

Obviously, what developed after that

Was a rather

Delicate situation

I mean, how does one look at one’s own boss

And say politely yet firmly—

‘Step off, whore’

--And still maintain a professional relationship?

I knew something that was going to happen

When they made an actress

The Artistic Director

Sarah was an actress too

But she gave it up

Once she was promoted

Out of courtesy

To her former company mates

This woman, however, had no such loyalty

Samantha loved nothing more

Than to hand leading roles over to herself

As a pair of derelict parents

Might turn their child over

To a squalid orphanage

I did end up explaining to Samantha

That I was offered the role first

By the former AD

And that I felt she should honor that contract

She offered to let me play the mother

In ‘night Mother

And then told me

I should start letting my hair go gray

I asked if she would be playing the daughter in ‘night Mother

And who would be supplying the prop gun

As I had one she could borrow

We went back and forth for awhile

Until finally we agreed

That I would play Hedda at some point in the near future

And she would never have to be within ten feet of me

Until she retired or died

Or had something heavy fall on her

The arrangement worked out quite well

So you see, it really is true

What they about theater

It’s all about collaboration