Because You're Friends With Him

Are you somewhat unclear on why we've allowed you
To infiltrate our little group?

Do you know nothing about social relationships
And the in's and out's of why people choose
To have other people around them?

Maybe I need to educate you on this
You see, we only let you hang around us
Because you're friends with him

Because he's attractive
And aloof
And notoriously hard to pin down

So if we want him to attend a party
Or show up to a dinner
Or just stop by for a drink somewhere
That means you have to be there as well

And the minute we invite you somewhere
And he doesn't show up
You will have demonstrated that you are of no use
And quite frankly, I am dying for that day to arrive

Now don't act all shocked and offended
Like you didn't know this was the arrangement

You're the one who always brings him up
Dangling him in front of everybody
Like a worm on a hook

You make it very clear
That the two of you are a package deal
And because he's gorgeous and stupid
He doesn't seem to have a problem with it
But you must know
There will come a day
Where he'll either move
Or get a boyfriend
Or decide to cloister himself
And then what's your plan?

Find another attractive guy to leech onto?
Maybe rent one
I mean, you're pretty much doing that now
Or do you think we're all unaware
That this little friendship of yours
Was started and is now maintained
Solely because you buy him drinks
And concert tickets
And elaborate gifts for no reason?

He may be stupid but he's not that stupid
And it seems like he won't even leave the house
Unless there's something in it for him

The truth is, none of us like him all that much either
We're just waiting to see which one of us can sleep with him first
So we can claim the points, and then end this ridiculous charade

Fake friends
Fake friendships
It's all so tiring

It must be even worse for you
You certainly look tired

I guess it's difficult
Waiting for the other shoe to drop
Knowing when it falls
It's going to fall
Right on you

Hell, if I were you
I'd spend all my time
Looking up