Holly and the Hanson Story

So there I am at the Hanson concert
My, like, eighth Hanson concert
And I've already passed out twice
But because I'm a professional
I always wake up
Eight minutes before the band takes the stage

Now--at various concerts
I have made eye contact
With all three brothers
For varying lengths of time

The longest span was one minute and three seconds
In Chicago in 2007
Contact was made with Taylor

I don't exactly remember the entire experience
But luckily my friend Lucy
Got the whole thing on her phone
Which I have since confiscated
Because clearly it's no longer just a phone
But a sacred vessel
Documenting a landmark event in history

I look up at Taylor
He looks down at me
He puts his hand out
I put my hand out
He smiles
I scream
I black out
I wake up during the encore
With a new tattoo
And a renewed commitment to Hansonism
And my High Priest--Taylor

If you slow down the video
You can see me mouthing the words
'Taylor, I love you.'
And then you can sort of see him say--
'I'm willing to leave my wife for you, but what about my kids?'
And then I sort of wink as if to say--
'I will love your children as if they are my own
Provided they only spend every other holiday with us
And I get you the rest of the time.'

Then the hands reach out
And I've edited the video
So that at that point
Bette Midler's 'The Rose' begins to play
Not just to add dramatic effect
But because Lucy chose that moment
To have an asthma attack
And her wheezing was ruining
The greatest moment of my life

I watch that video four times a day
And I've sent a copy to Taylor
So he can see that even if his mind doesn't know yet
Just how much he loves me
His eyes do, his lips do
His heart does

I look forward to receiving a response from him

In the meantime
I'll just keep holding on
To his music
Like the life-sized pillow I have of him
That I stuffed with locks of his hair
That his old barber was selling on eBay

I will say though, as a sort of moral to the story
If you go to a Hanson concert
Really consider whether or not
You want to be that close to the stage

Yes, it helps foster amazing moments like mine
But you also end up sitting
With some real wackos