Her Sister's Makeup

Karen puts on her sister's makeup
But she's running out

Out of lipstick
Out of mascara
Out of powder

She could get more
Like the kind her sister used
But she'd have to ask her mom to drive her to the store
And her mother hasn't gotten out of bed in three days
So any and all trips are now out of necessity only

And with money being what it is
And 'what it is' meaning 'tight'
There wasn't a lot of room in the budget
For something like cosmetics
Or new clothes
Or nice things
Or family therapy

One day Karen's mother was cooking eggs at the stove
And Karen suggested therapy
Like the celebrities in magazines get

'We don't need therapy,' her Mom said
'We just need to accept the fact
That your sister's dead
She's dead and she's not coming back
And that's that.
No need to keep going on about it
Or share it with some headshrinker.'

But Amy wasn't dead
She had just left for Los Angeles
With some guy she met at the bar where she worked

She lied about her age to get that job
All the while just waiting for a man on a motorcycle
To offer her a lift somewhere
And when he did
She took him up on it

'I hate leaving you here with Mom,' she said
Packing in the middle of the night
Karen sitting on her bed crying
But trying not to make too much noise
So Amy wouldn't get in trouble

'The thing is,' said Amy
'One of us has to get out
So she can come back and get the other one
And since I'm older
It's my job to get out first.
Do you understand that?'

Karen wanted to understand
So that Amy would be proud of her
But her despair pulled her in like the tide
And it wouldn't let her go

Amy hugged her
And then hugged her good-bye

Then out she went
Out the window
Out to the street
And Karen's face was buried in a pillow--sobbing
When she heard the motorcycle pull up
Then pull away

Her mother had been ineffective up to that point
But with Amy gone
And her paycheck with it
Ineffective became negligent

Amy had packed up everything
But her make-up
And so Karen would put it on
And walk around the house
Trying to see things
Through Amy's eyes

But when it was time to wash the makeup off
And sit down in the kitchen
Eating ham sandwiches
While Mom stared down at the 'Help Wanted' ads
Not really seeing them
But hoping to suck one of them up
Onto her resume
Karen felt like she couldn't see anything

She couldn't see or know
That things had gotten
This bad

She knew their lives weren't exemplary
But they had each other

Were things always like this?
Sad?  Stressful?
Pitiable?

How had Karen never noticed it before?

Maybe that was something you learned in time
To see how things really are

And maybe once you did
That was how you knew
It was time
To go