If I Made You Proud

You know, there are things
I couldn't, or didn't decide, I guess
I didn't decide to force you
To do certain things

I didn't push school on you
I didn't push you to socialize
To go outside and play
And then when I did push you
I didn't push you to stay away
From the wrong people

To make the right choices
To avoid the mistakes
I didn't know if it was better
To say something
Or not say anything
If you had to do things yourself
Fall into those traps
Or if I had to save you from them
I didn't know, you know, I just didn't...

The only thing I thought I could do
Was stress to you
How important family was

That we have a name
And that that name means something
That who you are means something
That when you say who you are
Or you sign your name
Or you go out in the world
And do things
You're just not just doing them
As some stand-alone person
With no connections
No ties to anything

I didn't want that

And I thought that was something
I could control

The feeling that you were--
That you'd be
Alone
In this world

So I watched you do this and that
And I said--'Do it, I'm here'
Screw up, I'm here
Excel, I'm here
Take risks, I'm here
Fall on your face, and I'm here
And I was here, wasn't I?

Wasn't I always here?

To me that was the only way
That and telling you
Always telling you
That you were somebody

That being you meant something

I didn't know how to make you good
Because I'm sure as hell not
Or I wasn't
For a long time

But see, I didn't have anybody telling me I could be
Or that if I wasn't
They'd still hug me everyday
And say--'It's okay.  It's bad now but it'll be okay'

So I thought if I gave you that
Then maybe
I could make you proud

I thought
If I made you proud
Then the rest
Would sort itself out

Because to me
When I think back
About the neighborhood
About the people who succeeded
And the people who failed

It seems like the people with pride
Always managed to stick it out

And the people without it
Could never pick themselves up high enough

So I did what I could
To make you feel good about yourself
And the rest I made up as I went along

But you turned out all right, you know?

And I'm still here, right?

Aren't I?

You bet your life
I am

And I'm proud of you

Even if you can't be proud of yourself remember
That for somebody
For this somebody

Well, damn

You're a success

A big, bright, beautiful
Success