Trains

Trains are a fun way to travel
They're way better than cars
Like the one my friend Steve's older brother has
So when Steve's like--
Ohhh my brother had the top down on his car
I'm like, 'Whatever.  Your brother's car's not a train'
And Steve can't argue with that
But he tries to
But I don't listen
Because I don't want my brain to grow dumb

Trains have many parts
There's the caboose and the engine
And the dining car
Where they have pudding
And that must be so weird
To eat pudding
While you're moving
And nothing spills
Because my mom says we can't have pudding in the car
Because it'll spill
Because one time it did
And even though it was one time
Now we can never have pudding in the car again
Even though it was my sister who spilled it
And not even me
And my friend Steve says his brother lets him eat whatever he wants in his car
And I'm like--'Your brother's car probably smells.'

There are many famous trains
Like the Polar Express
And the Disoriented Express
And the...Express Express
Which is a new train
That I don't even think is out yet
And if it is, nobody's probably heard of it
So, like, don't look it up or anything
Because you won't find it
But I heard about it
Because my grandpa loves trains
And he knows things that, like, even teachers who grade reports
Don't know anything about

If you ride on a train
You need a ticket
And the only way to get a ticket
Is to never talk to Steve, ever
Or you'll smell
And they won't let you on the train
And you'll have to ride in Steve's brother's smelly car
And you can never wash that smell off
It's like a smell glue that sticks to you and never comes off

Trains are fun and cool and...moving
So we should ride them all the time
And just not even use cars at all
And then say that people who do
Like Steve and his brother
Aren't cool at all

...Except for today because he's giving me a ride home

The End