The thing about death is
Sometimes you go through the wash
And I don't mean that metaphorically
I mean you actually go through the wash
It's just like anything else
It's about relationships
But when you're dead
The meaning of that changes
How you relate
And what you relate to
I don't really relate to people anymore
I mean, I identify with them, sure
But relating to them?
That's...tricky
Instead I relate to toaster ovens
Blenders, crockpots
Bedspreads, sometimes
But mainly gadgets
Something about death
And minor technology
Just go hand-in-hand
And it's interesting
Spending two hours
Relating to a remote control
Or microwave
But every once in awhile
You find yourself drawn to a dishwasher
And then all of a sudden
All you taste is soap
And a fork is banging up against you
And you just want to be alive again
And able to feel something other than
Electricity and dirty water
You miss being heard
Nowadays I talk and there's cable television
Or a pot boiling
Or a can opening
Or, when I get really frustrated
A car backfiring, a furnace breaking down
Something not going
The way it should
That's how I speak now
And then I exhaust myself
And I have to relate to a couch
Or a bean bag chair
When I was alive
And I was frustrated
By my husband
Or whoever
I would wash dishes
With my hands, the normal way
And that would soothe me
The motion of it
The cleansing
The running water
So maybe that's why now
I see my daughter
In this loveless marriage
And I try to scream at her
To get out
To not waste time
To just start over
That it's not as scary as it seems
And I just wind up in the dishwasher
The sound of dishes
Drowning out my voice
Again
In a way, it makes me think
Of what people say hell is
The most fitting punishment
When I could have spoken I didn't
And now that I want to
I can't
I understand radios now
And laptops
And garage door openers
But I still don't understand the girl I've known
Since she was born
The girl who was a part of me
Who came from me
I guess there are some things
Even death can't change
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