We Didn't Hide Them

Now, when they write
They write about the hidden
Or the people who facilitated the hiding

They do not write about us
We are not worthy of being written about

Even though we also survived
Even though things were not easy for us
Even though our lives were also in danger
Just for existing in such a place
At such a time

All because we were not heroes
We were not valiant or bold

I can only speak for myself
And say that I am not ashamed
We didn't hide them

I was the father, the patriarch
I was in charge
And I had a family, my family
To think about
To consider

I don't need books written about how I kept my family safe
And I don't need books written about how I did or didn't keep other families safe

It's so easy to judge
From fifty, sixty, seventy years on
About what some of us didn't do

But what you are talking about is not mere courage
The ability to risk everything for people who are not your responsibility
Total strangers in some cases

And though I applaud those who were bold
Who did step into the line of fire
For those innocents, and yes, I do know they were innocent
Who is responsible for asking these same people
These people who took on the burdens of others
Who will ask these people--
Weren't you worried about your own flock?
Your own blood?

Did you not consider
Really consider
What would have happened
If you'd been caught?

What they would have done to your wives?
Your children?

And all for what?

Goodness?

What is good?

I don't--I...

. . . . . .

I am one of the ones
Who should have been hiding

But my wife...
She is not

So our children
Are not

But I...

And I've never looked--
Never resembled

I look like my father
Who was Scandanavian
Very fine features
Nobody's ever asked if I was...

So when they knocked on the door
One day
Our neighbors
This family
I...

They'd been over
They knew we had a room
A room behind our kitchen
Hard to see
Especially if you were to put a cupboard in front of the door
No windows in there
So...

They were so scared
But my daughter
She was...

She was one then, one and a half
And she was crying
In the background
I could hear her crying
And this family standing in front of me
And my wife at the market
My wife who was good
Who would have hid these people
Without a second thought
People who I shared a...

And who she didn't, really
Share anything
With

But she would have hid them
She would have done it
In a second

Ushered them in
And not thought anything of it

But I couldn't

Because...

Because if I opened the door one day
And the police were on the other side
Would they look at me
And know?

Would they recognize?

Nobody ever did
But would they?

How could I know?

What if these people brought danger
To my house?

It was dangerous

I...

. . . . .

I shut the door

And that was that

My daughter stopped crying
My wife came home
Made dinner
We chatted about...nothing

And I never saw that family again

Those people
My neighbors
They just...

Never came back

. . . . .

I am not brave
I am not bold
But am I good?

Can I be a coward
And still be a good person?

Can I take care of my family
Of my own
And not my brother
Not be his keeper
And still be pious?

Still be...right?

Can I?

Somebody tell me

Somebody tell me now that I've shown my face
Now that I've come out of hiding
And spoken my truth

Tell me now that you can see me
Just who it is
I am