Monday, October 22, 2012

Dan the Nervous Phone Sex Operator

What, uh, what, uh, what, uh, are you, uh, you know, uh, wearing?

Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh--yeah, that's uh, okay, well, wow, uh, thong, well, hey, uh, okay.

My uh, what I'm, uh, well, uh, see the thing is, uh, I'm, uh, fully clothed

Completely
Totally
Comprehensively
Clothed

I, uh, am actually, uh, wearing aaaaaa sweater
And another sweater
And, uh, another, uh, sweater

Also some socks
I've got socks on
Thermal
Thermal socks
They're, uh, they're, uh, they're, uh, pretty comfortable
And I would like to continue to keep them on
As I discuss sexual things with you
Because they, uh, make me feel, uh, relaxed

My what?

It's, uh, it's, uh, well, geez, ya gotta, uh, wow, well, it's mine
It is, uh, definitely mine
It is unique, in that way
And, uh, I, uh, yes
Yes, that is, yes

What would I--oh, uh, well, yes, uh--

I would like to, uh, talk, uh, with you
Get to, uh, know you, before we, uh, you know

Before I take off your, uh, you know, your, clothes
And, uh, begin, our, uh, making of the, uh, sex
That would be, uh, yes, well--

Yes, I know, I'm sorry

Listen, instead of, uh, talking about this
Wouldn't you rather I help you do something useful
Like fix a computer
Or unclog a sink?

No, no, no, no, that is not a euphemism
I don't even know how, uh--

You're doing what?

To yourself?

Well, geez
Then what do you need me for?

I, uh, I, uh, I, uh, I, uh, I am a little, uh, put off
By how, uh, aggressive you're being
About this situation
And I, uh, in no way want to offend you
As you did call my, uh, company
Looking for a, uh, a, well, a--what would you say--a good time
And I am, uh, AWARE that I am supposed to provide that
But, uh, honestly, I'd rather just hang up on you
And go make myself a sandwich

No, I would not say I'm a, uh, typical man
Do most typical men know how to rewire an entire--

Well, that was a bust

Onto to the, uh, next caller

Hello, this is Dan
Here to make all your sexual fantasies come true

Uh huh

Uh huh

Uh huh

I'm sorry
I have to hang up now

Sheesh

Why do I keep getting all the sickos?

1 comment:

  1. I just got done reading your article, and really enjoyed it, thank you. Here is a really fun book and audio that just came out about a real full time phone sex operator that wrote a book called: “Pillow Talk: A Glimpse Into the Calls to a Phone Sex Operator”. You can also find this at fun2readybooks-com

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