How Tall My Brother Is

I kept looking at him saying--

When the hell did you get so tall?

It's nuts
I had five minutes to sit down
Eat, then head out again
And I look across at the table at my brother
My baby brother
This kid, you know, who I used to hold on my lap
Whenever we'd take family pictures
And suddenly he's 6'2

When did that happen, you know?

I mean, I know he's not my kid or anything
But it's a little distressing

How much am I missing, you know?

My mom says he has a girlfriend now
And he's thinking of colleges
And he might move to New York
And I'm just like--What?
It's Scotty

Little Scotty in New York?

And I'm like, 'Mom, aren't you freaking out about this?'

And she is, but, you know, in a very traditional Mom way
Because she sees him everyday
So it's not a shock to her
Like it is to me

I'm just sitting there
Watching him
And it hits me

He's an adult

He's an adult
And where the hell have I been, you know?
What's wrong with me?
What have I been doing that I've been, you know
Missing this?

And so I go in my old room
Which my parents have kept exactly the way it was
In case this whole corporate take-over stuff doesn't work out
And I sit on my old bed
And I text my boyfriend, Dan
I'm like--

'My brother's an adult.  WTF.'

And my mom comes in
And sits next to me
And I try to say something
But I just start crying

And then she's hugging me
And we're both on my old bed
And it's high school all over again
Except now I'm not being bullied
I'm the bully who laid twelve hundred people off
Like, two days ago

It's like--

How the hell did this happen?
How did this become me?

And then...

I had to go

To catch a, you know, a plane
My appointment
Whatever

It's like...

It's like I don't even have time
To change my life

I know that sounds weird, but seriously
It's like it's impossible
Like I would need at least five seconds
To take stock
And turn things around
And I can't
I just can't

So...

So I get on a plane
And I go to the next thing
And the shield comes down
That protects me
From really thinking about anything

Specifically how tall my brother is

It's like, what's it going to take, you know?

What is it going to take
To put that shield down
For good?