Tony Hooper, 3rd Grader, Casts His Independent Production of Disney's Aladdin

First of all
I can't cast Lucinda
Because she eats crayons
And she doesn't have black hair
And Jasmine has black hair
And she's wicked dumb
Because she eats crayons
They make you dumb
That's my first of all

Second of all
I can't cast Fat Pants
Because Aladdin isn't fat
He's what Mrs. Brugel calls 'svelte'
And Fat Pants is not svelte
And he can't sing
Unless he's singing 'Booty Fresh' by Tang
Which is not a real song
Because it came out a month ago
And it's sooo old now
So they should stop playing it
And Fat Pants should stop singing it
And my little brother should be kidnapped
That's my second of all

Third of all
I'm playing the Genie
Because I'm really good
And I don't mind painting myself blue
Or doing what Aladdin tells me
If Aladdin is played by Nicole
Which Mrs. Brugel calls 'non-traditional casting'
But I don't care
Because Nicole has short hair
Like my funny Aunt Jennifer
Who's married to my funny aunt Karen
And it looks wicked good on her
And she can sing songs really good
And she has black hair
But she doesn't want to be Jasmine
'Cause she's scared of tigers

D...Franklin can be Apu
Because he eats bananas a lot
And we're best friends
So I have to throw him a phone

Lastly, Mrs. Brugel is making
What she calls 'a cameo'
As the Sultan
Because she's put on weight
That's what my Mom says

Now I just need a Jasmine
But my sister can do it
As long as she doesn't kiss Nicole
Because then it'll be weird
And my grandmother won't come
Because she's not progressive

We're going to do the show on my birthday
And it'll be amazing
So come and see it

Thanks