And today
Of all days
Why today?
You know I was doing this for you, right?
Well, why ELSE would I blow up the world?
Unless it was so that you and I
Could be the last two human beings
Left in the universe?
No, I can't just blow it up anyway!
What would be the point in that?
Then I'd really be all alone
Then there wouldn't be any other fish in the sea
Because when you blow up the world
The fish go with it!
Who is it, huh?
Is he a superhero?
Is he a superagent?
Is he one of my henchmen?
Scary Bill?
Is it Scary Bill?
Because let me tell you something
He's not that scary
It's all in the outfit
Take away those leather bracelets
And he's Punky Brewster
With a sneer
. . . . .
A bassist?
Are you kidding me?
Are you f**king kidding me?
You're leaving me for a bassist?
Just hit the red button
Go ahead
Blow me up
Blow us all up
I don't want time to continue at this point
No, no, no
I'm not killing the hero
It won't make me feel better
So don't even try that
I wait years
YEARS
To do all this
And you pick today
To break my heart
I guess it's better than if you waited
Until AFTER I pushed the button
But then your precious bassist would be dead
And the world would be just a little more QUIETER
Wouldn't it?
I need to swivel
Please, I just need to swivel
I need to swivel away from you
And pretend you're not there anymore
You're so lucky you're not my first girlfriend
Back then when someone broke up with me
I threw them in the Chamber of Lasers
And let God deal with them
God's the name of the guy
Who runs the Chamber of Lasers
He's a little...woohoo...you know?
This is horrible
Who's getting the dog?
Because I can tell you right now
You're not getting him
He hates you
Besides
I've been feeding him narcs
And bits of cake
Because he likes that
But mostly narcs
And where would you get narcs?
Oh right
You're dating a bassist
He probably knows plenty of them
You're not getting my books either
You're not getting my books
Or my DVD player
Or the pink laser
I don't care what I said
I like the pink laser now
It's got a soft grip to it
And I like it
What do you mean I don't use it?
Is that why you're doing this?
Because I haven't killed the hero yet?
Because let me tell you something
I was going to push this button
As soon as we got back from your mother's
That was going to be the first thing I did
Because believe me
Nothing makes me want to exterminate humanity more
Than a visit t your mother's
So don't tell me
I wasn't going to destroy mankind
Because I was
I WAS!
. . . . .
Well, no
Now I can't
I can't do it
It'll just remind me of you
Of all our plans
Our big plans
Remember how we were going to float
Above the decimated planet
In a little space shuttle
Like the one the Russians
Put the monkeys in?
Now what?
Huh?
Now what?
Can you tell me?
Can you tell me what I'm supposed to do now?
Can you tell me...
How am I supposed to live without you?
Now that I've been loving you so long...
How am I...
Okay, fine
But I'm keeping the swivel chair
Now get out of here
I kill anyone who sees me cry
Remember that
No comments:
Post a Comment