What He Pays For

He took me to Rio
Like, last week
And bought my new suit
So you know
I wouldn't look passe

Am I right?

Kids
Anyway
But he did

He pays for the trip
He pays for the hotel
He pays for the drinks
And there are lots of drinks
I mean, we drink
You know?

We have to drink

He puts money in the joint account
And when we get home
I do a little shopping therapy
To cure the blues I get
From being back home
Here, where it's so not Rio
Where it's so blah-zitty blah
You know?

He pays for the car
He bought the car
But it was for me
A present
And you shouldn't have to pay
For presents

That's how I look at it

He pays for the meals
He pays for the food in the fridge
Which isn't much
Because, I mean
I'm not a big snacker

He pays for the new chairs
When I need new chairs
Because chairs need to circulate
You constantly need to be
Circulating your chairs
Otherwise your home
Doesn't feel like home

You need to constantly
Be changing seats
Seeing the room
From different angles
To have new perspectives
So you don't wind up ignorant

That's why
He pays for the chairs

He pays for my hats
Big blue hats
That I wear
When I'm sad

I don't why
I'm sad so much
You know?
I just am

And he hates to see me sad
So he gets me these silly blue hats
That I wear out to different places
And we laugh all the time
Because I look kinda silly
But luckily it's because
I'm really tiny
So it's okay
Because it's good to be tiny

If the hats look good
It would mean
That I have a giant head
Which would be bad

So I wear them for camp value
I guess you could say

He pays for me
To take my friends to lunch
I think it's cause
He likes to show off a little
But that's okay
My friends still eat
Don't they?

Hiselia has these teeth
That her man is paying for
They're awful
Buck, stick out
You know?

So he's getting them taken care of
She used to be with this guy Frank
Who I really liked a lot
But he just couldn't give her
The things she needed in life

Wally gives her sooo much
Plus he's a good guy, you know
Not a bad guy, I would say
And he's paying for the teeth
Which is a gift to us all

Trust me

Dreena just sits there
And mumbles shit
That nobody understands
Because we keep buying her drinks
Because, you know
It's funny

Gotta stay entertained
Somehow

Anyway

He pays for the manicures
He pays for the pedicures
He pays for the massages
Which I need
Because I get stressed
So frequently
It's such a problem
My shoulders are like pork chops

It's gross
How tense I am

He pays for just about everything
Which is really sweet of him
I love him, you know
I really do

He gives me so much
I'm really lucky I have him
Not many guys can afford
To be that nice