When I Wasn't Looking

When I wasn't looking
The rugs disappeared
They were not pulled out
They were simply gone
Right out from under me
As they say

Then again
They might have gone over me
Who knows?
Who knows how they went
Where they went

When I wasn't looking
The food went bad
The milk went sour
The cheese disintegrated
The pretzels turned into...

Well, they became more like pretzels

Rodents crawled into heads of lettuce
Making tiny little homes
Where they raised families
And had many adventures
As if on a Saturday morning cartoon

When I wasn't looking
The books on my shelves
Changed covers
So that now
I have no idea
What I've read
Or what I know
Or what I don't know
Or what's become of Anna Karenina
Or which of the Little Women dies
Or if Mr. Frog contracts some form
Of deadly cancer

When I wasn't looking
People came in and out
Looking around
Trying to find me
And I wasn't here
But I was

It's hard to explain

When I wasn't looking
Other people were looking for me
Trying to find out
Where I'd gone
And I stood there
Standing in front of them
But not knowing they were there
Just that they could be there
And that if I kept still
They wouldn't see me

That it would be better
If I stayed quiet
If they didn't find me
So I did
And they didn't
And I stood there
Not seeing them
Not seeing me

When I wasn't looking
The mirrors turned inside out
And the right knob on the faucet
Makes the water go hot
And the left knob
Makes Orangina come out of the faucet
And the light switches
When switched
Cause the Discovery Channel
To be projected onto the back wall
Of my rather insignificant home

When I wasn't looking
All my addictions metastasized
Into a giant man
Who held me down
And clawed his way into me
Until I became that man
And he became me
And we prank phone called
Several bakeries
And a bank

I became the villain
In the story of my own life

When I wasn't looking
I became this person
The person I am now

I became untrustworthy
I became untrusting
I became nasty
I said nasty things
I was hurtful
I was full of myself
And full of vile characteristics

I became a bad friend
I became a hard person to love
I became as dark
As the dark I was seeing

I bumped around
Crashing into people
And screaming at them
For being in my way
When all they were doing
Was standing there
Watching me flail
Unable to help
Because I wouldn't allow it

Because I was better
Than the help being offered

When I finally opened my eyes
And looked at everything around me
I could have been sick
I was, I was sick
At everything I saw

But with that being said
I can tell you one thing
The light
That brilliant light
The first light I saw
When I opened my eyes

That felt damn good