Have Your Boyfriend Do It

Why don't you have your boyfriend do it?

Fix your brake lights
Rotate your tires
Clean out the trunk
Where you keep
All your shit

Remind me again
Why I should do it?

To be friendly?
To be your friend?

Can you remind me again
What the benefits are
Of being your friend?

Can you tell me
The last thing
You did
For anybody
Other than you
And somebody you
Wanted to sleep with?

Can you tell me something about me?
Because I can tell you
An awful lot
About you

Because I listen to you
Do you ever find yourself listening to me?
Or do you not even notice
That whenever we're together
It's an endless stream of sobs and shit
Coming out of your mouth

And, you know, I'd put up with it
I'd continue to put up with it
Except I don't have to
Because I'm not your boyfriend

I'm not getting laid
Or paid
Or pleasured in any way

I get nothing out of dealing with you
Except headaches
And alcoholism

If I believe in God and good and morality
Maybe I'd consider it cosmic
All this suffering
I'm dealing with
While your boyfriend is
Wherever the fuck he always is

But I don't believe in God
Anymore
So really all I'm doing
Is wasting time

So as for your car
It looks fine to me

But if it's not
That's not my problem

Nothing

Is my problem

So if you have a problem
Then you need to talk to your boyfriend about it

It seems to me
He's a little too happy
For somebody

Who's dating
You