Merry Friggin' Christmas

Bennyyyyyyyyy!

Don't you shake that box anymore
To try and see what's inside it!

If Santa finds out about that
He's going to give you all presents
Made of glass
Then you'll shake the boxes
And you'll break all your presents
And it'll be ironic
Like how your Uncle Steve gave your Aunt Tina
A facelift for Christmas
So she'd feel more confident
And now she looks like the caterpillar
From Alice in Wondertown

What are you talking about?
It's exactly like that
Don't they teach you kids metaphors in schools?

No, Santa ain't bringing you no IPad
You know who gets IPads?

Idiots, that's who

Next year they'll be selling the same thing
For half the price
And two years after that
I'll buy you one
Then a day later you'll break it
And I'll be mad I didn't buy the warranty
Because it's a rip-off
And then we'll use it as a doorstop
Just like the Wee Wee I got for you last Christmas

Wii, Wee Wee, Wee Willy Womp Womp Wokka Wokka
It's all the same thing
You kids and your computers

When I was a kid
We didn't have computers
We had rocks with numbers painted on them
If you had three rocks
That meant you were rich
Now you gotta have the IPad
And the Wee Wee
And the XBoxtopcarchildrenspecialedition
With the thingy that lets you see 3-D

And all you kids are miserable

With all your toys
You're still friggin' miserable

They should just do away with Christmas
Altogether

Have one big holiday called--

You're Lucky You're Not Dead Day

You celebrate being alive
You sing a few songs
You eat some ham

Bing
Bang
Boom

New holiday

And I--

Benny, what's this?

A present?

A present for your mother?

A macaroni necklace
With the words 'World's Nest Mom' on it?

Awww, you awful little speller
I friggin' love you

Go ahead, keep shaking your present
I bet those IPads can take a beating
They should be for what Santa paid for them

Yeah, your old mom broke down
What can I say
I'm a spoiler

And you're spoiled rotten
You little brat

Oh God, what am I going to do
When you're all grown up?

I guess until then
We just gotta keep celebrating the moment, right?

Merry Christmas, Benny

Now, go take a bath
You smell like a wet turtle

Ugh, how I love you

You and Christmas

You both drive me nuts
But I can't help
But love you