It Feels Like Lying

They ask me if I know you
And I tell them
That we're friends

And my voice goes down
Like I'm lying
Like I'm lying

I tell them all about you
And I slowly realize
All the information I have
Is from years ago

And I'm sure you've changed
Just like I've changed

So what are we now?

What would they call us?

There wasn't some big argument
Or move
Or death
Or change

One day we were fine
And then we were estranged

How did six weeks go by
Let alone six years?

It feels like pushing through a crowd
To try and get somewhere near there

I never thought I'd hear myself
Stop before calling you friend

But when I push ahead
And say it

Well, it feels like lying

It feels like making something up
That wasn't ever true

Maybe I should just say
We knew each other once

As if it were some passing thing

Or maybe that's what it was
And we didn't even know it

Maybe in the midst of it
It was too hard to tell

But now describing my own history
It sounds like a story to me

One that's comforting
But nonetheless
Not true

I talk about how much I loved you
And it feels like I'm grasping
And clinging
And exaggerating
And trying too hard

I say I miss you
And it feels like lying

Everything I say
Just comes out wrong

Or maybe the truth
Was one big lie
All along