Let This Be the First

Sometimes I look at you and think
I oughta quit while I'm ahead
Before I screw up once again
And go back to my old tricks

I wish I could trust that I can change
I wish it wasn't always hard
To be the man I want to be
And not have everything in me
Standing in my way

So I look at you and think...

Let this be the first

The first time I don't screw this up
The first time it isn't all about me
The first time I do something nice and don't turn around
To see who noticed

The first time a lie is not attached
To a lovely piece of truth

The first time I don't say something cruel
And say I'm just having my say

I don't want to be this angry
I don't want to have to fight
Just because I've lost control
Or 'cause I slept alone last night

I'm not the guy my mother raised
Instead I'm the guy that she divorced
When I think I've made some progress
I go running back to burn the building down

But you hold my hand and I think...

Let this be the first

The first time I don't cause a scene
Or raise my voice instead of talk
Or dump my baggage in your lap

The first time I let it all go
Instead of hugging it to my chest

Why can't I say I don't care
And really mean it
Just this once?

I'd like to make someone like you proud
Happy to have me on your arm

But I know myself
Like a best friend
And enemy

So I know just how this would end
And I'd rather keep you away instead

Still I think...

Maybe you could be the first
To snap me back
And set me straight

Maybe we could make this go
Maybe you'll get the best of me

Maybe I can get this right
For the first time in my life

I keep saying
Let this be the first
Or the last time can stay the last

I'm tired of adding one thing
To that wreck I call my past

I'm tired of trying all the time
And think that I should just give up
On trying to find something that works

But then I think of you
And think

That you might be
The first