My husband thought he was clever
Telling me he'd ease up on the taxes
If I rode through the streets naked
It was then it occurred to me
That perhaps he thought me a shy woman
Although for the life of me
I can't imagine why
Didn't I wake him every night
From a restful sleep
To petition for the people
I didn't withhold my wifely duties
But while we were in the midst of our marital activities
I would stop suddenly
Look down at him and say--
'I can't go on. I'm too distraught over those poor people starving to death in their--'
But by that time
He'd usually have lost his spirit
And that was fine by me
My husband was a rich man
Rich men usually know as much about making love
As poor men do
About water polo
When he finally broke down
And agreed to scale back the taxing
If I rode through town with nothing but my hair covering me
And I found it to be a very agreeable
Almost, titillating offer
Legend has it that I told all the townspeople
To shut themselves in their houses
While I went on my ride
But that was my husband, not I
If anything, I wanted them to see me
To teach my husband a lesson
About challenging his wife
And I didn't just ride through town
At a full gallop
I sauntered into town
And when I saw that everyone was hiding
I stopped my horse, got off
And went to sit by the fountain
When I dipped my fingers into the water
It felt cooler than anything I'd ever felt
And so I swung my legs around
And let my feet go into it as well
Many women at that time
Could say they swam naked at one point or another
But I never had
And so I did
Well, not swam, really
But floated on my back
In the fountain water
With nothing underneath me
But coins and wishes
They say the only person who looked at me that day
Was Tom, who cut a hole in his shutters
And peeped at me
Only to go blind as a result
I started that story
The truth is that Tom was outside waiting for me that day
Leaning up against his doorpost
Eating an apple
He waved at me as I went by
And I remember being so taken aback
By how brazenly he was flaunting
His disregard for my husband's demands
That I stopped the horse once again
And walked right up to him
To see what he would say
With a naked woman
Standing right in front of him
And do you know what he said?
He said--
'You coming outside? It's chilly out here.'
And he added a little smirk to the end of it
To let me know he was joking
And not joking
All at the same time
...So I went inside
It's true that Peeping Tom went blind
But it wasn't just from looking at me
Believe you me
I had to work
To strip the sight
From his eyes
And when I was done
He couldn't see a thing
But he also couldn't stop smiling
Before I left town
I remember hearing music
Coming from somewhere near the church
But it wasn't bells
Or an organ
Or any sort of choir
Just sort of...
It was like something from the future
From another time
It was loud
And forceful
And it evoked something in me
I danced to it like a warrior woman
Like a soldier in the midst of a war
As if I were covered
In the blood
Of the enemy
I pounded my fists against the doors in town
I jumped back in the fountain
And kicked up the water
Over the side of it
I threw the coins and the wishes
Up into the air
And let them fall against
My shoulders
My arms
My breasts
I collapsed in the middle of the street
Convinced I was seeing a vision
Of the Lord
In front of my eyes
And he was smiling
Just as big
As Peeping Tom
. . . . .
When I rode back to my husband
He immediately made the servants
With eyes covered, mind you
Throw a robe over me
I shucked off the robe
And walked directly into the house
'What are you doing,' he screamed at me, 'You've won your wager. Now cover yourself.'
I looked at him
My dear Leofric
Earl of Mercia
Who, the first time I undressed before him
Fell to his knees
And prayed to me
To my sex
To be able to hold
All that he was about to receive
And not spill a drop of it
And I saw a muddiness in his eyes
Like the fog on a window
That can only be warmed from the outside
I walked up to him
The servants running
In all directions
And I said--
'Kneel.'
He was shaking with rage at that point
And so I put my hands on his shoulders
And pushed him down to me
'Kneel,' I said, 'And pray to me as you have before'
And then I could feel his rage become something else
And he prayed
He prayed as if he were
The guiltiest men on Earth
And I absolved him
I forgave him his transgressions
He was redeemed in me
And when the pleasure overtook me
I was still standing
At the top of our estate
Looking down onto the town
Wondering when I might escape there
Once again
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