When Dan Hit Sarah

When Dan hit Sarah
I knew this was going to be...

I knew this was going to somehow
Become this thing
We were all going to have to deal with

Not just Sarah

Because, you know
Sarah's problems
Become everybody's problems

Oh, and I knew she wouldn't get rid of the guy
Oh, I knew that
From the moment I saw him do it

If anything, I knew she'd love him more
That he'd become more attractive to her

Part of me thinks that's why
She was pushing his buttons

So she'd have a reason to love him

Oh, now he's tormented
Oh, now he's troubled
Oh, now he's fucked up
He's violent
He needs help
He needs me

See?

See what I'm saying?

Don't think I'm saying
I liked watching her get hit
Because I didn't

Connie's accused me of that
Says I have no sympathy for her
For Sarah

Why should I have sympathy for her?

You know who Sarah is?

She's the girl on the playground
Who goes around hitting boys
Saying 'you can't hit me back, I'm a girl'

Yeah, well, let me tell you something
Connie and me, we teach Matt--he's six
And we teach him
You don't hit girls

But what I tell him too
And Connie, I mean, she--

She says she doesn't know
Why I would, she says--qualify it
You know, add something to it
But I do

I say, if a girl hits you
You do something back

You let her know
She can't do that to you
Just because you're a boy
And she's a girl

That's not right either

Violence isn't right
In either direction
And more people need to teach their kids that
Their daughters, people need to teach their daughters
That being a girl isn't any kind of immunity in this world

Then the girls and the boys
Would all be better for it

People like Sarah wouldn't exist
People who push buttons
And then act all shocked
When they get pushed back

I felt bad for the guy
The way she'd push him
You know
Right before he hit her

I really honestly
Felt like he was going to break

And then he did

I mean, are we shocked here?

That's what I keep asking Connie
Are we shocked?

I'm not

You push a dog hard enough
He bites

Doesn't everybody know that?

Apparently nobody ever taught Sarah that

So he hits here
At the barbecue
Which we look forward to
All year
Our summer barbecue
And it's ruined
Because she had to open her mouth
And start bitching at him
About forgetting the hot dog buns
Or some shit like that

And he tries to let it drop
And even I say
And Connie tells me to stay out of it
But isn't Sarah getting everybody into it?

I say--Sarah, forget it.  We have plenty of hot dog buns.

But she just ignores me
Because I'm getting in the way of her good time
Because she gets off on making a spectacle of herself
By berating whatever poor schmuck she's convinced to date her

And then he hits her

A slap, not like he beat the shit out of her
Just a slap
To shut her up

You think he's the first guy that's hit her?

Please

She used to come over our house
With a black eye
Once a month

That's how often she had a new boyfriend
Once a month

You know, whores get beat up
That's the danger of being a whore

I'm not saying she is one
But once a month, you know?

All I have to say is
If one guy hits you
He's wrong, you know
Of course he's wrong

But when guy after guy
Keeps hitting you
And you're still opening your mouth
Saying shit you shouldn't
Maybe you have to wonder
Whether or not you're driving the guys to it, you know?

I mean, doesn't that just make sense?

So now the barbecue's ruined
And everyone's screaming
And the police are called
And the guy's just sitting on the grass
On the grass
On my backyard lawn
Looking pitiful, really pitiful
And everybody's acting like he's turned into Godzilla or something
Like we didn't just spend twenty minutes
Listening to Sarah provoke him
Because suddenly she's got a red mark on her face
That's already disappearing
So now she's a baby
She's a victim
Poor Sarah

Fuck that

All the women man
Swarming, just swarming

Because that's what women do
They swarm

A guy fucks up
And they fill the water
Like sharks
When blood comes out
Even if it's theirs
And it's never just theirs for long

The guy gets arrested
The police come
Come to my house
Because of her
My neighbors saw and everything
And they take him away
And then Connie says
Sarah has to go upstairs
To our bedroom
And lie down
Because she's so upset


And I don't say nothing

I keep cooking burgers
Right on the grill
Pop open another beer
Why not, right?

Right?

You think I'm going to let her
Ruin my whole day?

I mean, it was ruined
But you think I'm not going to try
To save it
Some little part of it
Any way I can?

I tried, but...

And a week later
Sarah's fine
And at our house
And talking about a new guy
She met at the police station
Filling out a report

No joke
I'm being serious here

And you want me to feel bad for her?

Really?

I'm supposed to feel bad?

Tell you what

You feel bad for her

You join the line of people
Feeling bad for her

I'm going to do something else
I'm going to feel bad
For people who need it
Who need people feeling bad for them

Sarah?

Sarah doesn't need shit

Trust me on that
The only thing she needs

Is to get hit hard enough
That it knocks some sense into her
You understand me?

Maybe that's not pretty
But that's the fucking truth

Might as well be in the Bible
Because it's the cold hard
Gospel truth