Little Kings

We are what they call little kings
Who rule over squares of green
With wooden swords and pocket watches
Wondering when we will learn
To tell the proper time

We swash and buckle
Buckle and swash
Defending our kingdoms
Against other kingdoms
Run by bigger, meaner kings

We outlaw baths, and chores, and girls
School and shots and summer ending
Bedtimes and wake-up times
Shoes and coats and hats
Haircuts and lettuce
Especially lettuce

We break into abandoned buildings
And leave our Robotico action figures there
So that everyone shall know
We have claimed these places
As our own

Our coat of arms shall be two bloody daggers
Criss-crossing each other
In front of a skull
With bloodshot eyes
And blood pouring out of the mouth
Creating a puddle of blood underneath it all
And the background will be colored red
Bloody blood red

People will see this coat of arms
And they shall know
That though we kings are little
We are not afraid
Of anyone

We shall travel forward in time
To remind our future selves
That they were once kings
Before they became fat and ugly
With children who should be princes and princesses
But instead are brats and bullies

We will be forced to leave our future selves in the future
Seeing that it is too late to save them
But not too late for our sons and daughters
So we bring them back with us to the past
And teach them about honor and nobility and poise

Then we will fight with them in the mud
And teach them that their fathers
Were mighty men
Who held empires in one hand
And baloney sandwiches in the other

When we finally send them forward in time
We know they will do battle with our future selves

And that there will be much bloodshed
And probably some hurt feelings as well

But in every dynasty there is turmoil
And our family dynasties will be no different

After such a long day of time traveling
And diplomating
And imperialisming
We are tired and hungry
And very smelly
Because of the mud
And the law against bathing
Which, looking back on the day
May not have been the best piece of legislation
We championed

We will go inside
And our mothers will send us to our bathtubs
And lay out our pajamas
And sit and wait for us by our beds
With stories of knights and dragons
And ogres that we hope we will not grow up to be

And when we ask why we can't stay up
Just a little bit later
To plan the next day's conquests
Our mothers all say--

'You may be a little king, but I will always be the Queen.'

And we know better
Than to challenge her

For the last man who did was Father
And he has since been banished
To his recliner in the living room
For all eternity

So instead, we let her put on our night light
And shut our door
Leaving it open a crack
So we can also have some light from the hall

And in that light
We hear dragons snickering
And trolls chuckling
And a monster so ugly he can't even be imagined
Threatening us with his grunts and growls

And we clutch our wooden sword
Stuffed underneath our pillow
And we think--

Tomorrow, you villains
Tomorrow you shall meet
The Little Kings