My Information

Is my information going to be distributed to anybody?
Because I'm very conscious of that

I'm very nervous
About information of any kind
Being given to people
Who could erase me from the mainframe
Like in 'The Net'
Where Sandra Bullock
Had her entire life wiped out
Because--Well, I never finished that movie
But I'm guessing it's because she wrote her Social Security number down
On one of those 'Enter to Win a Cruise' cards at the mall

Those are all a scam you know
They really are

I mean, have you ever actually met anybody
That's won anything like that--ever?

And they're dangerous

My cousin entered one once
And two weeks later
A guy showed up at her door
Trying to sell her heroin
Out of the back of his truck

I mean, that could be a coincidence
But I really don't think so

Now I don't give out any of my information

You give the slightest detail about your life to some stranger
And the next thing you know
Your inbox is full of pornography
And you're getting junk mail
About penis enlargers

You know with all the fancy machinery
Those computer hackers must have
It amazes me that they can't tell that someone with the name Marla
Would have no use for an enlarged penis

The other day I was at Petco
And they wanted the name of my dog
To register it for something
I said 'What does the dog need to be registered for?
A credit card?
He's a Beagle
He'd have no use for it
I mean, maybe if he were a Daschund
But Beagles usually prefer paying with cash

Anyway, they wanted his name and I told them his name was Klaus
And they believed me

So now some poor Beagle named Klaus
Is going to be getting my Rodney's junk mail
Because I also gave them a fake address
And I told them I'm Latvian

They didn't ask if I was Latvian
I just tossed it in in the mix
To throw them off the trail

That's what you have to do these days
Nobody's safe

There are some really crazy people out there