Frankenstein Talks to His Health Insurance Provider

...Yes, well, that's the thing...

It's not your typical arm

I think it belonged to a Latvian peasant

When I use that arm
I can shuck corn like nobody's business

And I--

What?

Well, I don't know

Would bolts in your neck be considered a pre-existing condition?

I mean, I was born with them, so--

My age?

That depends
Which part of me?

Well, my left leg is about forty-seven
My eyes are twenty-two
My thumb is four and a half
My--

Hang on, let me put the phone next to my other ear
The right one is from the deranged maniac
And whenever I listen to someone talk through this ear
I have the urge to kill them and bury them underneath the castle

Do I need fire insurance?

YES!

Lots of it

Now let me ask you something

Fire insurance protects you from being exposed to fire, right?

AFTER the fire?

Lady, the only thing I'm going to need after a fire
Is massive amounts of therapy

Can you--ugh, hang on

My right leg keeps flap ball changing

This is what you get when you use body parts from a Rockette

No, I don't need emergency room visits covered

Just as long as you can find me an outlet and some spark plugs
I'll be all set

Although I am going to need a family plan
The Mrs. just told me we're expecting

We haven't been to the cemetery yet
But I have a feeling she's either going to give birth to a thirty-seven year old duchess or a nineteen-year old streetwalker

I'm hoping for the nineteen-year old
Those duchesses can be such a pain
Once they learn to talk again

Hang on, I think I hear thunder...

. . . . .

I've gotta go
The Mrs. likes to make love on top of a piece of sheet metal
Whenever there's a storm

It reminds her of the night we met

Bye bye now, you pig humper

Sorry, that was the farmer's wife talking

Well, where did you think I got my lips?