Yes Virginia, There Is a Mrs. Santa Clause

Dear Virginia,

I was cleaning out my husband's garage, when I came upon this letter.

"Is there a Santa Clause?"

Apparently, you received a reply telling you that there is, in fact, a Santa Clause.

How wonderful.

I noticed, however, that you did NOT ask if there was a Mrs. Santa Clause.

I suppose you were satisfied with knowing that my husband exists, and if I don't, well, who's going to cry over that?

Ohhh, you sweet little ignorant thing, you.

Well, I've decided to be a little naughty and send you a personal letter myself to let you know, not that you asked, but that yes, Virginia, there is a Mrs. Santa Clause.

She lives in the North Pole with her husband, who, by the way, is a complete slob. There are lists everywhere, and who do you suppose has to organize them by country, gender, age, and behavior?

You would think we'd have a secretary, wouldn't you, Virginia? But because of an unfortunate incident with one of the elves that our lawyer has forbid us to speak of, we can't get a normal woman anywhere near here.

We also don't have a chef, which means I'm the one responsible for baking all of Santa's cookies. One year I tried using those little squares that you just pop into the oven, thinking I could save myself some time.

He just sat there staring at cookies like I'd made them with arsenic. And don't get me wrong, Virginia, I've been tempted. Ohhh, I've been tempted.

It's not that I don't love my husband. It's just that he can remember exactly what every little boy and girl in the world wants for Christmas, but can't remember to come back with Kleenex when I have him run to the store.

I bet you didn't know this, Virginia, but if it weren't for me, there wouldn't be a Christmas. Every year, I have to go down to the factory on December twenty-third, and say--

"Darling, do you know what tomorrow is?"

And he invariably says--

"Uhhhh, your birthday? HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

I enjoy the panic in his eyes for a moment
When he realizes he hasn't gotten me a gift
And the only thing surrounding him are Legos and CD Players

And then I say--

"No, darling, it's the day before Christmas Eve."

Then all the madness starts

If it weren't for me, he would work right through Christmas
Wondering why all the toys were piling up
And that man does not know how to pile

About seven years ago, we lost three elves in a Slinky disaster that, to this day, makes me shudder

So you see, Virginia, you've learned something else

Yes, there is a Santa Clause

But like every good man
There's a lady behind him

If he could manage to pull off what he does every year without me...

Well, Virginia

THAT would be a Christmas miracle

Love,
Mrs. C