Bail You Out

-- The further adventures of my noir characters --

"Bail You Out"

Oh please, Bryce
Don't get up
I'm not the President
Just an old friend

You know when I heard they got you
That they were locking you up
For what happened to Hector
Pinning the rap on you
Well, I just couldn't sit by
And do nothing

...Could I?

Don't tell me you were expecting Natalie
To come in here and save the day
She's off crying in her corner
Pouring ice into a glass
Of her best buddy

Natalie
Hahaha...
I'd laugh longer
If I thought you were serious

No, Bryce, I'm afraid it's just me
It's just me come to bail you out
Me and my little old pack of hundreds

And I'm happy to do it
Always glad to see justice win out
Always glad to see a wrongly accused party
Walk out into the beautiful daylight
And suck up some freedom

It makes me so glad
I almost don't feel like I need to be paid for it

...Almost

Oh, I'm not talking about money, Bryce
Both of us know if you had any cash
You'd have been out of here
The second they brought you in

I guess being a private eye
Just doesn't pay like it used to
At least not if you play fair

Us degenerates are doing mighty fine, Bryce
You should come over to our side some time
Have a cup of tea and a naughty politician
See if you feel so high and mighty then

In the meantime
I'm willing to make you an offer
I bet you can guess what it is

Your freedom
In exchange for mine

You see, Bryce
I've been trapped
Trapped into a love
I don't really understand

Ever since I laid eyes on you
I just knew I had to have you
But you, with your wife in Van Holton
And Hector always locked onto you
Like the ash on the edge of a cigar
Just waiting to be flicked off

...Well, I just couldn't get near you

But now Hector's gone, isn't he?
What a shame
What a damn shame
How those things happen

And your wife, Ha!
She can keep cooking you brownies
As long as you're home by ten, right?
And believe me, Bryce
I'll have you home on time
I always make sure my boys
Stay punctual

Oh now, don't get upset, Bryce
We wouldn't want me storming out of here
Would we?

Then who would come and get you?
I'll wager you don't want to use your one phone call
To call Donna Reed out in the suburbs
And have her come down into this little cesspool
To bail you out

I bet she couldn't anyway
And neither can Natalie
And neither can Hector
Now that the only green on him
Is the grass growing out of his forehead

I guess that just leaves me
Doesn't it?

Now, personally
I don't care if you rot away
In your little cell
Reading the trades
Waiting until they stick you in the big chair
And turn you into a bad perm

But something tells me
Inside that rock-hard exterior
You're scared
Aren't you, Bryce?

Aren't you just a little bit
Scared?

. . . . .

So come on
Let me help you out
And then we can both walk out of here
And you can help me out
And all will be well again

It's not like I'm asking much
Just exactly what you've been giving
Every other bastard in this town
Including Hector

And you know, Bryce
It's not really justice
Until everybody
Gets what they deserve