The Villain's Book Club

Okay everyone
Settle down

It's time to pick our selection
For next month's meeting

Now, I don't want to make you all feel like
You have to select my book--

'Kill the Babies First: Memoir of a Super Villain'

But I can't but mention
That it was voted 'Best Book of the Year'
By Haters Magazine

Can I see hands?

Oooooookay

So what do YOU all want to read?

Uh huh
Uh huh
Uh huh

Well, first off
If I have to read Jodi Picoult
I'll destroy Antarctica
I'm just putting that out there

Remember when we read 'Change of Heart'
And I destroyed Southern India?
I'll do it again
I don't care how many of you cried
At 'My Sister's Keeper'
We're not--

Wait a minute

If you've seen 'My Sister's Keeper'
Then why would you want to read the book?
That's like murdering your henchmen
And THEN finding out he's been dating your ex-girlfriend

It is like that, isn't it?
I have trouble with analogies sometimes

Moving on

What other suggestions do you have?

Uh huh
Uh huh
Uh huh

Well, let me just say
I find Updike to be a bit pretentious
And that book 'Terrorist?'
That man knew NOTHING about being a 'Terrorist'

I mean, did he even try to blow anything up
Before he wrote that book?
That was just shoddy research
In my opinion

That would be like me writing a book called--

'Kill the Babies First: Memoir of a Super Villain'

--And not killing any babies
--Or having any memories
Of which to write a memoir with

Huh?

Well, I didn't say what kind of babies they were
So what if they were baby elephants?
Do you know how cute baby elephants are?
Trust me, it's much harder to kill baby elephants
Than regular babies
It takes a real sicko
Believe me

Anyway

I'd prefer it if we don't read Updike

Ooohh!

How about Thomas Pynchon?
I love writers
Who write in such a way
That I have absolutely no idea
What the hell is going on
At any point

That way
If I have to put the book down
To torture a double agent
Or buy new batteries for my Death Laser
I can just pick the book up
And start anywhere
And I don't even need a book mark!

Sooooo
Pynchon?

No?
Not liking that?
Not interested?

Okey doke, then

Well, any more suggestions?

Uh huh
Uh huh
Uh huh

Machiavelli, huh?

Well I do love the classics

Hmm...

Let me swivel on this

. . . . .

Okay, fine
But next month
We're reading 'The Secret Life of Bees'
And I don't want to hear anything
About it being sentimental
Because every now and then
I need a good cry

Okay?

Meeting adjourned!

Happy Reading