My Homeless Man

Larissa, it was spontaneous
That's what you have to understand
It was completely spontaneous

I was in New York
Visiting Kyra

She's opening the gallery this week
Paintings about limitless abandon
Represented by dead chipmunks

Something like that

So obviously I couldn't GO to the gallery opening
Because most of my daughter's work
Makes me ill

Not that I'm not progressive
But I draw the line at urine-stained library cards
And stuffed animals resembling members of the Donnor party

(How she ever found the photos to do the stuffed--)

ANYWAY

I was in New York for about five hours
Before I was headed home
Walking back to the station

(Which always clears my head)

And there he was
Right on the sidewalk

Veal

That's his name, Veal

I don't think it's his real name
But it's what he likes to be called

Don't ask me what it was, Larissa
Maybe it's the equivalent of seeing a dog you love
Sitting in the pet store window

It wasn't that I simply wanted to help
I mean, obviously I do
I want to help all homeless people
But it's just so overwhelming
I mean there are so many of them
And I only have so many guest bedrooms

ANYWAY

Something about Veal

(I remember asking his name then saying--Like Neil? NEIL? MAYBE NEIL?)

I just knew
Looking at him
That he would be fine
Somewhere else

It just seemed so clear to me
That he was only meant to be homeless
In New York City

And I mean, who wouldn't be homeless in New York City?
You should see the price of a cheese platter in a restaurant there
You can get new cheekbones for cheaper

(If you catch Dr. Rosenblatt in a good mood)

The only reason I'm so well-off
Or lucky, I should say 'lucky'
Is because I live in Tilton, Connecticut

It's positively impossible NOT to live well here

So it just occurred to me
Maybe Veal would do much better
If he lived with me

Well, you know me
As soon as I decide something
It's decided

I picked him up
Brought him to the train station
Got him a ticket
And away we went

It was only then that I thought--

'Maybe he's a drug addict.'
'Maybe he's insane.'
'Maybe Kyra would want to interview him for her next exhibit.'

But it turns out he's just lovely

Ever since I got him home
He's been making me dinner

Apparently he used to be a souz chef
And then had a run-in with the bottle

But he's off it now
He got sober when he couldn't afford
To buy alcohol anymore

Imagine not being able to afford your own addictions, Larissa
The poor thing

ANYWAY

He's been keeping the guest room immaculate
He even built me bookshelves for my library
And his almond torte--I could marry him every time I take a bite

Granted, he's not the most intelligent man
And, as is expected, he steals things
Mostly my Knot's Landing DVD's

I can understand that
I mean Season Three is the closest thing to cocaine
That television has ever produced

All in all,
I think he's going to be very happy here

I'm even thinking of going back to New York
And picking up another homeless person
Maybe a girl this time

She can have Kyra's room

After all
It's not like anybody else is using it