Let a Pregnant Woman Mow the Lawn

Don't get up
Don't get up now
Don't bother
Why bother

Sit on your ass
Just sit there
Just look like the lump you are
Just sit and be yourself
Be the man I married

Don't surprise me now
I wouldn't want the baby
To feel the shock
Ripple through my body

Let a pregnant woman mow the lawn
Why not?

Let's be unconventional
Let's be unique
Let's let the neighbors think
That I'm a pioneer woman

If women in the 1600's could work the fields
And milk the cows and kill the pigs
And then give birth
I guess I can mow a lawn

Maybe I'll only live as long as a woman
In the 1600's did too
Maybe I'll churn butter and die
And maybe you'll catch TB
And maybe Gretchen will become a flapper

Wouldn't that all be something?

Gretchen, your baby brother is mowing the lawn right now
Isn't that something?
He isn't even born yet
And already he's done more household chores
Than your father has

I wonder what else I can do pregnant

Should I empty the rain gutters?
Should I fix the electrical wiring?
Should I climb up the roof
And jump up and down
Until I find the weak spot
Where the rain's coming in?

Why not?
I'm rugged now
Aren't I?

So no, please
Don't get up
Don't get up now
Don't bother

I suspect that any minute now
If the heat doesn't take me
I might just start enjoying myself