And I Can't Come Down This Ladder

I know I got up here
But that doesn't mean
I can come down
The trip up was quick
The trip down is tricky
Because there's no danger in going up
Nobody ever dies on the way up
It's the fall
It's the way down
That gets you
That's why I'm scared of heights
People say fear of heights
They don't mean it
They mean fear of falling
Of falling and dying
Same thing about spiders
Spiders make people feel uncomfortable
But it's not spiders in general that they fear
They fear some giant spider or a lot of little ones
Eating them alive
If people could visualize being eaten by pigs--a not-so-rare occurrence
Then there would be more pig phobias
I have a phobia of heights
Because I fear death
Just like everyone else
Or like everyone should
Nobody has ever ever said that death
Or rather, coming close to death
Was pleasant
And yet nobody fears it
Which seems insane to me
I fear death
And no, it may not prevent dying
But it will at least ensure that I don't die in some careless way
Meaning that it won't be because I was careless
And dying because you went the wrong way down a ladder?
That would be careless
So I can't come down this ladder
Not right now anyway
Not without a plan for it
If I stay up here long enough
Eventually I'll adjust to the idea
Of coming down
But right now it's too new
It's too fresh
It's not something I'm comfortable with
So I think I should just stay here
And let the fear go down first
If that makes any sense
And even if it doesn't
I'm not coming down
Not right now

Besides, it's nice up here
I feel safe, despite my crippling fear

It sort of makes the air feel...

It makes me feel more alive

Isn't that funny?

That being, what we believe is, close to death
Actually makes us feel
The most alive?

It's something to think about
While I wait