The Saint's Addiction

And then God got mad
Not because I did something wrong
But because I did something expected
See, God expected me to fuck up
I mean, why else would he be all about forgiveness
If fucking up weren't a crucial part of the equation, you know?

So I fucked up
And then God got pissy
And stopped talking to me
And I was like, whatever, be that way
I'm the one stuck here
I'm the one stuck in a place
Looking for guidance
And some kinda advice
About like--why did I fuck up
When I knew I was going to fuck up?

Like, why didn't you stop me?
Why didn't somebody stop me?
I just--fuck, you know?

Now I'm standing here
In front of a group of people
Drinking bad coffee
Wearing nice clothes
Feeling like I'm overdressed
Because you're all wearing sweatpants
And cardigans
And glasses that are ugly in a totally unironic way
And I'm like--

You're the people I'm supposed to talk to?

You're the ones who are supposed to help me?

I mean, that just seems...

I mean, no offense
But I was a saint
I talked to God

The way you talk to, I don't know, your cats, Cat Lady
That's how I talked to the Lord
And without His advice
I don't know how I'm going to take all this shit
And pull it together
Back together
Into a, you know, a life?

I have so many questions
Like, deep mathematical-almost questions
And God's like my calculator
And you're all, like, an abacus
Or something

But then I look at you
And think--

If I can't find God here

Or, like, if I can't find God anywhere
Here, outside, on the street, at my house
With my friends
Wherever

Then there's no hope, right?

So maybe I should talk

Maybe I gotta stop waiting for God to find me

And go find God instead

So...

Hi, I used to be a saint
Now I'm human

So--what's that like?