So...I have an idea
Obviously, the whole Britney thing isn't really...working out
I mean, it's not Britney's fault
She's lovely
It's fine
It's just not...exciting
People don't feel...compelled
To watch
And maybe I was a little...cocky
When I thought I could just bring a hugely, undeniably, unbelievably successful show
To America
And have it be successful here
Because it is everywhere else
And so yes, cocky? Maybe
I'll admit it
So then we regrouped
We got rid of what we thought were the obvious problems
Not enough star power on the judging panel
What with The Voice, and American Idol
And all those lesser shows
One of which I was on for almost a decade
We added star power
And people still don't seem to want to watch a show
For eighteen hours a week
It's insane
So here's my idea--
New judge
We get rid of L.A. Reid
Because who knows who he is anyway?
Just some random guy
With decades of music experience
And star-making ability--yawn, right?
We keep Demi, we keep Britney
And in L.A.'s place we put--
The Pope
Now, listen to me for a minute
This could work
Yes, he knows nothing about music
But neither does Randy Jackson
And that never bothered anybody
He's the Pope!
People will have to watch!
They won't have a choice!
Talk about watercooler talk!
'I wonder what the Pope's going to say about THAT one!'
'I wonder what the Pope's going to think of THIS one!'
'I wonder if the Pope likes a good One Republic cover!'
Plus, if nothing else
He can force all the Catholics to watch
And that's gotta be a few million people, right?
Oh, don't worry, he'll do it
We're just going to keep throwing money at him
Until he says yes
We'd have a harder time
Getting P!nk right now
The Pope'll be a cinch
So what do you think?
Do we have a deal?
That's what I thought
And if that doesn't work...
We could always just get rid of me...
...Hahahahahaha
All right
Enough with the crazy talk
That'll get us nowhere
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