We Have to Say It's Good

When they hired me
I had to take this test
To show that I had a background--

Well, they knew I had a background
I mean, I have a degree in this
But what I mean is, I basically had to take a proficiency test
To show them that I know what I'm talking about
When I talk about art

So, I took the test
I passed--that's not an 'everywhere' kind of thing either
But this is a reputable gallery
So yeah, you have to take a test to get in
I was okay with that

But then I start working here
And our first show was by this artist
Up-and-coming
And I wasn't all that thrilled with their work
But they were friends with the owner
So I didn't say anything about it
At least, not in a loud manner or anything
But I didn't gush over the work either

Well, the owner picked up on it
And told me--I mean, really, basically told me
That if I didn't like her friend's work
It would make her 'question my taste'

So I lied--to people
To my friends even

I said I thought the work was good
When I really didn't
Because I wanted to keep my job
And I thought--Well, it's one artist
It's not like by lying about what I think
About one artist is going to compromise
My professional integrity

But then there was another artist I didn't like
And then another--

I mean, I shouldn't say I didn't like these people
I was just critical of them
I thought that was my job
To help artists become better through feedback

But as soon as I stopped being a cheerleader for everybody
Suddenly I was negative and bitter
And it wasn't about me offering constructive criticism
It was just me not liking something
And didn't I see how unhelpful that was?

You know, it was very important to them
When they hired me
That I knew what I was talking about
But sometimes I wonder
If they just wanted to make sure
I could successfully sell bullshit
To anybody who asked me about what we do here

We have to say it's good
Even when it's not

And to me, that's counterproductive
For both us
And the artists

Nobody trusts us
The artists don't even trust us
Or at least, the ones with any sense don't
Because they know we're going to say we like their stuff
Even if we don't
And slowly but surely
Our reputation is eroding

So why do we keep doing this?

I guess it's a culture thing

There's no more criticism in art
Because the word critic has become a dirty word
Because nobody's actually good at it anymore
Being a critic, I mean

So now when you're critical
You're doing something wrong

You're being unhelpful
You're being cruel
You risk losing your job and I--

I'm starting to doubt myself

I'm starting to doubt my taste
I lie so much about what I like
That I don't feel like I really know what it is I like anyway

And that's a scary feeling, you know?

Not only to doubt your ability
But your sincerity

How you are at...telling the truth

You lose that and it's like--
Whatever you're saying is

Well, whatever it is
It's the opposite of art, isn't it?

Isn't it?