Four Inches of Water

I just want to know one thing

How come CNN is interviewing Hank down the street
And not us?

Huh?

We got four inches of water
In our basement
Now that's not nothing

Oh, I know
I know

Hank's house got washed away
And now all he has left
Is that old patio furniture in the back

Why God spared that ugly furniture
Is beyond me

Still
We had our suffering too

The water got to my tv
Now it'll just play the regular stations
And you can't get HBO
Even when you put the baby on top of it
And make him hold a baked potato

But do I get an interview with CNN?

No, I don't

Tell me that's fair

And Hank can't even speak right
Being interviewed
Like he's Anwar Saddat
Or the chick from Transformers

Like he's somebody important

He wasn't even wearing a tie!

He could have at least grabbed a nice shirt
Before his house washed away

I called Channel 6
Telling them I had a real tragedy here
Told them my washer/dryer isn't working right
And they told me that's not newsworthy

Newsworthy, huh?

I'll show 'em newsworthy

Barbara, go get the hose
See if you can drag it
To the basement window

We're going to make ourselves
A news item