(Raises hand)
Umm...sommmmme people are hanging around backstage because they don’t have anything to do because they don’t have lead roles and the people with lead roles are trying to focus on all the stuff they have to do because they DO have lead roles and they can’t because the people WITHOUT lead roles who might be said to have SMALL roles—at least, smaller than LEAD roles which are the biggest kind of roles—really need to concentrate on their roles so that the next time they do a show they don’t wind up with small roles which are still roles but not as good as LEAD roles.
…And we need more paper towels in the dressing room.
. . . . .
(Raises hand)
Excuse me, but tonight I took three steps onstage and then stopped and started the scene. Normally, I take two steps onstage, stop, and then start the scene. I usually take the extra step but tonight I didn’t, and I’m not sure why. It maybe because my mother is in the hospital getting her tonsils out and that’s where my heart is but I understand that I should leave that at the door but nevertheless I took two steps annnnnnnd I kinda liked it. Did you like it? I really feel that without that extra step the whole scene is a lot tighter. Didn’t it? Didn’t it feel tighter?
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(Raises hand)
Um, you told us all to listen really carefully, and totally I was really listening. Did you notice me looking like I was listening? Because every time I was onstage I was totally thinking about how you told us to listen and I tried to make sure I looked like I was really paying attention and I was just wondering if you noticed that.
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(Raises hand)
So when I'm striking the blue chair, do you want me to pick it up by grabbing the seat and taking it off or by grabbing the sides of the back and taking it off? Do you have a preference? Oh, and should I do it in character?
. . . . .
(Raises hand)
Ummm, so, soooome people are elongating the second phrase of the opening number so that it’s becoming ‘Let us taaaaaake you’ instead of ‘Let us taaake you’ and so the ‘take’ becomes a half-second longer, which then adds a half-second to the opening number, which then makes act one a half-second longer, and before you know it there’s complete chaos and people are eating kittens in the streets. So could people please shorten the ‘taaaaaake’ to ‘taaake’ so that kittens don’t have to die needlessly. And also, we’re definitely adding a long ‘u’ to the ‘rue’ in the second verse of the second to last number in act one, and that’s a very 70’s thing to do and we decided that the show’s supposed to take place on December 31st, 1969, so could we please honor that decision? Thanks.
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(Raises hand)
I just wanted to let you know that every time I’m backstage, I’m still staying in character, and I was wondering if you can feel me staying in character even when I’m not physically onstage?
. . . . .
(Raises hand)
So, I just saw daylight coming through the door at the back of the theater, and that reminded me that the light cue that’s supposed to happen when I walk on for Act Two was a little bit slower tonight, and that made me forget all my lines and where I was—you would agree that that was the lighting guy’s fault, right?
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(Raises hand)
Do you think my mother ever really loved me?
. . . . .
(Raises hand)
Ummm, sooo, soommme peeeople, whose name may or may not rhyme with Fennifer Tosenfelt seem to think that they should get last bow just because they’re playing Sally and the name of the show is ‘Oh, Sally!’ and they may or may not be saying that some of us are getting last bow because we may or may not be indirectly related to the director, music director, and the set designer, and I would just like to ask your thoughts on gossip and if you feel people who do it should worry more about their one eyebrow and non-existent lower register?
. . . . .
(Raises hand)
I decided that my character in Act Two, Scene Two, is a Communist. Thoughts?
. . . . .
(Raises hand)
I'm really worried that I don't have enough time to go backstage after I cry onstage, reapply my make-up, get back into a happy place, put on new earrings, and casually walk—as I feel my character in the next scene would do—to the other end of the stage and walk on happy as if my heart wasn’t just ripped out. I just think emotionally that’s a really long distance for me to travel. Is there any you could, like, add a tap number to give me some more time to get there…emotionally?
. . . . .
(Raises hand)
I just decided that if my character were a vegetable, she would be an eggplant. Thank you.
. . . . .
(Raises hand)
Ummm, sooooooooo, soommmmmme peeeeeeople defaced the sign-up list for the get-together at my house that is NOT a cast party, but rather a celebration of people within the cast who enjoy each other but do not enjoy other people in the cast whose names may or may not rhyme with Fennifer Tosenfelt, and I just think we should really reflect on what it means to respect other people’s personal belongings, like sign-up lists for refreshments for get-togethers that have really nice calligraphy on them and hand-drawn unicorns. Also, there’s a sign-up list for the ACTUAL cast party, which everyone is invited to attend. I will not be able to attend as the get-together which is NOT the cast party is the same night, but I will be there in spirit.
. . . . .
(Raises hand)
Do you think my character hitchhiked across the country during Spring Break and ended up riding to Ohio with a guy named Razor who made her take shrooms and dressed her up like the Easter Bunny finally leaving her in a motel in Toledo with nothing but a backpack full of Altoids and a note that says ‘You’re lucky you didn’t wind up like the last one’...or something?
. . . . .
(Raises hand)
Should I be breathing while I’m onstage or would you rather we held our breath until the show was over? Because I’m totally committed enough to do that.
. . . . .
(Raises hand)
Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, soooooooooooo, soooooooooooooome peeeeeeeeeeeeeople should stop doing theater and become veterinarians
...Just a thought.
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