Rumpelstiltskin Tries to Order a Slap Chop

Hello, I'd like to order a Slap Chop.

I'm very excited to see that your product can chop hard-boiled eggs so effectively.

Hmm?

No, I won't be needing the 'turning straw to gold' attachment.

I'm sure it IS a popular item, but I'm all set.

Now do I have to give you my name?

Uh huh...

Right

Well...

Couldn't you just guess it?

Okay, well just tell me what you think it is...

No, it's not Ivan.

Why would that be your first guess?

I sound Russian?

In what way?

Do I have an accent I'm not aware--

Angry? I sound angry?

So all Russians sound angry?

No, I'm not offended for me. I'm offended for the Russians.

I'm sure there are some happy Russians.

And no, I'm not angry. At least, I wasn't...

Okay, I'll give you a hint.

My name has fifteen letters in it, and it begins with an 'R.'

No, this is not Robert Pattinson. Please stop screaming.

Your daughter doesn't love me. She loves Robert Pattinson. I don't blame her, but nonetheless, that's not who I am.

Look, can I just give you my Visa card number?

Oh, excellent. That'll take care of that.

Now let me ask you something--

Can the Slap Chop dice the first-born son of a prince?

Hello?

Hello...?