Max, Operations Manager, 23

-- Max learns a valuable lesson about not joking around when Kevin asks for monologue titles. Keep in mind, he didn't say WHAT exactly this fictional Max manages operations for... --

"Max, Operations Manager, 23"

So if you go in room two
Lita ties you up
And recites the opening soliloquy
From Richard III to you
While the Stones play in the background

And--

PUT THAT DOWN!
MOSHA, PUT THAT DOWN!
THAT IS NOT A TOY!

No, it cannot BE a toy either
I'm using it to fix the broken fuse
Now go back to Room 328

Mr. Glitten is going to be there in ten
And he says this time
You better sound EXACTLY like his third grade teacher
Or he's only paying half price

Sorry, where was I?

Oh right--

If you go in room three
Tiki teaches you to hula
Makes you a hot fudge sundae
And then watches Mr. Smith Goes to Washington with you

That's one sick bitch, let me tell you

In room seven, we have Madison
Who likes to decoupage her men
Then treats them like a coffee table

The last guy who went in there
Walked out with rings all over his body
Because Madison forgot to use a coaster

Then we have--

MOSHA!
THE BLUEBERRIES ARE FOR THE PANCAKES
FOR THE PANCAKES!

If Zila finds out she can't do the blueberry trick with the pancakes
She's going to use those cymbals on you
And I don't feel like driving to the emergency room
On my day off tomorrow!

. . . . .

I'm sorry, where were we?

Oh right, in room twelve
You have Braja

Do NOT go in room twelve

We don't talk about room twelve
We don't think about room twelve
I slide food under the door every three days
And occasionally you can hear Braja sing 'Beyond the Sea'
While somebody whimpers
But that's about it

In room fourteen--

MOSHA!

DON'T GO IN ROOM TWELVE

NOOOOO!!!

...Excuse me, I have to go...

I don't think Mosha's going to be able to work tonight