What the Whales Are Saying

"I had a seal today near the island."
"I hear the seals there are good."
"It was a little salty."
"You gotta go before five."
"I know, but I was starving."
"Well, then you're going to get salty seals."
"What do they do? Roll around in salt at five o'clock?"
"I should go now. My wife wants seal for dinner."
"You'll hit the afternoon rush."
"Eh, she can eat a dolphin tonight."

. . . . .

"Is that a boat?"
"Yeah, but it's just a fishing boat."
"Um, we're fish, dude."
"We're mammals."
"Fish are mammals."
"No, they're not."
"What are they?"
"Fish."
"So that's a different thing?"
"Dude, didn't you listen in school?"
"I didn't go to school. Only fish go to school."
"Exactly."
"Wait--what?"

. . . . .

"Have you ever been to the Indian Ocean?"
"Nope."
"Atlantic?"
"Yup."
"Pacific."
"Yeah, we're in the Pacific."
"Right...Artic?"
"Once--the wife felt like penguins. Froze my ass off."
"I kinda want to go to the Indian Ocean."
"And do what?"
"You know...swim...and stuff."
"You can do that here."
"Yeah, but my cousin went to the Indian Ocean once and he says there are otters there."
"That's a dirty lie. Otters are just urban myth."
"I'm telling you, man--"
"And I'm telling you. Your cousin is a liar."
"Geez, kill a guy's dreams, why don't you?"

. . . . .

"Is that a shark?"
"It's a scuba diver."
"Oh..."
"Are you blind?"
"I might be."