Mr. Marks and His Daughter

First of all, let me just say
That my daughter
Is not a lesbian

She kissed a girl

Does kissing girls make you a lesbian?

Because if so
Then I am a lesbian

My daughter has committed no crime
Other than the fact
That she's a famous movie star
And after snorting a rather large amount of cocaine
And stealing a car
She got caught smooching another girl

Now, I ask you

Could anything be more innocent than that?

Has the Christian right really inserted itself
So deeply into the fabric of our country
That a girl high on coke can't kiss another girl
Who may or may not have been quote unquote kidnapped by the first girl
Without a media circus surrounding it?

Look, I'll be the first to admit
That I wasn't exactly a model father
To my daughter

But if there's one thing I taught her
It's that she can kiss whomever she wants
Without having to worry about
Categorizing herself as one thing or another

I don't believe in labeling people
As straight or gay or bi or trans
Or tranny or dyke or lesbo
Or ticker or potato sack
Or any of those labels

And 'lesbian' is a big, fat label
That does not in any way, shape, or form
Describe like my man-loving daughter

She loves everyone
Because she is a tolerant, kind person
Who has sex with men, I assume
I mean, if she could have sex
I mean, she can--as soon as the Disney contract runs out

Hahaha--a little joke there, just a little joke

What I mean is--she's not having sex
With anyone
Especially not women
And not men, but maybe men one day
But probably not women
But if she does I won't mind
Because I love her
And her new movie comes out this fall
And we might be looking at an Oscar here

So...

Any questions?