Sex Made Me Believe in God

Growing up they said
That sex would make me bad
Worse, worse than I already was

That getting naked
Or even half-naked
Or even wanting to get naked
With some girl
Would turn me into a pervert

It was all about pleasing God
And sex did not please God
And desiring did not please God
And giving into those desires
Meant you were weak
And being weak did not please God

And if you did anything
That you weren't supposed to do
God would know
Because God was all about the truth

God was the truth

But I gotta tell you
I've learned the truth
And the truth is

Sex made me believe in God

The first time I had sex
With a girl I really loved
That was God

Watching her hair fall down around her
Magically covering all the best bits of her
So that I had to go exploring
To find them

That was God

Feeling her hands pull me down
Into her warmth and radiance
Holding onto me
Like I could be her rock
On the shore

That was God

Two people, in this case
Her and I
Connecting our bodies
And our dreams
And our quelling our fears
And our insecurities

Seeing each other
And accepting what was there
And saying--

This is beautiful
This is truly beautiful

I'm telling you
That was God

And when I left being a kid
I swore the last thing
I was ever going to believe in again
Was God

I said I was going to go out
And screw whomever I wanted to screw
And I was going to do it
To screw over that non-existent God
Who I still sort of believed was there
Up there judging me

But man, the first time
She whispered to me
That I looked good

And then giggling a little
And then tucking her finger
In the belt loop of my jeans
Tugging me a little

Mmm...well, that felt a little bit like the Devil

But when we were laying there
Hearing Joni Mitchell music
Stoned out of our minds
And I had my face on her stomach
Kissing the scar that ran all the way across
And I could feel her let me
I could feel her say--okay
You can see this
You can see what nobody else can see

In that moment
I believed

I really believed

Sex made me believe in good again
And God

Sex made me believe in God