Two Porcupines Making Love

Two porcupines decide to make love
After doing that sweet thing porcupines do
Where their little noses touch
And they kiss
And photographers sent by Hallmark
Who say they're from National Geographic
Take photos of them

This goes on for a few hours
Then the male porcupine says--

'Hey, wanna do it?'

And the female responds
By stabbing him the eye
With one of her quills

This is her way of saying--

'Sure, I've got nothing better to do.'

The male porcupine then exposes his genitalia
Which is usually twice the size
Of the male porcupine's body

At which point the female porcupine
Stabs herself in the eyes
Temporarily blinding her
So that she won't have to see
What's about to happen to her

At that point, the male porcupine
Still blinded by the female's quill
Attempts to insert his genitalia
Into the female
But instead
Ends up poking one of the Hallmark photographers
Who then screams in pain
Thereby startling the female porcupine
Who shoots two quills
Directly into the genitalia of the male porcupine
Who then lets out a sound
That the people of the jungle call--

'Babanawawa'

Which, loosely translated means--

'Holy fucking shit, that porcupine just got stabbed in the junk by his lady friend's quills. That's gotta hurt like a bitch.'

The male porcupine then runs through the jungle
Looking for an animal big enough to eat him
Because at this point, he simply wants to die

While the female porcupine
Still technically blind
Believes the Hallmark photographer to be her mate
And the other Hallmark photographer to be a predator
And so she continually shoots quills into one photographer
While dry humping the other wondering where that giant genitalia is

At this point, one of the Hallmark photographers passes out from the pain
While the other one passes out...from the pain

After the female porcupine has successfully had intercourse
With the wide angle lens on the camera of the second photographer
She ventures back into the jungle
Where the male porcupine has found an inquisitive monkey
Willing to pull the quills out of his giant genitalia
Because monkeys just do random shit like that sometimes

And now the male porcupine is licking his wounds in a clearing
Which, as you can imagine, is actually very enjoyable for him
And impressive to watch as well

The female comes upon him
And the two are finally united
To kiss for a few more hours
Thereby continuing the cycle of porcupine life
And explaining why they'll probably be an endangered species
Until the end of time

Thank you