A 5th Grade Wedding

My sister didn't want to tell me
About her engagement
Because of Nick breaking things off
And I was like--
Donna, I can't freak out
Every time somebody else gets engaged
But, if I'm being honest
I did think the timing kind of sucked
I mean, it had been a month
And now we weren't going to be talking about my wedding
We were going to be talking about her wedding
And it was just...a lot

But I know she didn't plan on getting proposed to
I guess her boyfriend just kind of decided on it
And I was glad, because, you know, it's good for my nephews
To have a guy around
Even though he's not squeaky clean
Whatever--neither was Nick
Anyway I'm rambling now

I teach fifth grade
And all the kids were so excited about my wedding
One of the girls saw me come in with a ring
And that same girl noticed
When I came in without one
And so I had made the mistake
Of telling them about the wedding in the first place
Because I told everyone
Because I was marrying a lawyer for godsakes
And then I wasn't getting married
And so I had to tell my class
My kids, these little faces
And I thought I'd be humiliated
But they sort of took it in stride
Like--oh well, things don't happen
No shock to us
Even though we're in fifth grade

I guess this generation
Is more used to disappointment
Than previous ones
I don't know--who knows?

My sister gets engaged
One of the other teachers gets engaged
My best friend gets pregnant
And I'm going to be a Maid of Honor
A bridesmaid, and a godmother
And I'm miserable
I mean, I'm effing miserable
Sorry, I don't swear
It's the teacher thing
I just don't

Anyway, one of the kids
Laura--comes to me
And says she's getting married
To this little boy Rico
And Tony Hooper
This boy from the other fifth grade class
Is going to officiate
Except, of course, she doesn't say officiate
But she wants to do the whole thing
In the classroom
So all her friends can be there
And so her parents won't find out
Because her mom thinks Rico's mom
Is a b-i-t-c-h

And she spelled it out
Just like that

And I think she's sort of kidding about the whole thing
But she also seems sort of serious
And I'm in this weird place
Because it was right after lunch when she brought this up
And also, I'm on Xanax at this point
So I'm thinking--why not?

We had just done school elections
And if we feel it's important for the kids
To learn about democracy
Shouldn't it also be important
That they learn about marriage?

I'm not insane--I ran it by the principal
And I said we would make it educational
Meaning I was going to hang pinatas
And say that it was part of our Cinco de Mayo celebration
And the principal asked if it was going to cost anything
And I said 'No, I'll pay for the pinatas'
And so she said--'Go ahead then.'

So we did

Little Tony officiated
Little Laura married Little Rico
The kiss was a peck on the cheek
And everybody still ooooohed
And then clapped

Then we did math

It seems silly
But it was...
Kind of touching

Seeing these little people
Create their own version
Of this adult experience

I cried, but then again
I cry at refrigerator commercials

I will say that the pinatas
Were a big hit

When the school day was over
I asked Laura how she felt
Now that she was a married woman
And she said--

'Oh Miss Palmer, that was just for you.  We knew you wanted a wedding, and we thought maybe we could give you one.'

Isn't that sweet?

I mean, sort of messed up
But also really sweet

It made me realize
If I could take life as seriously
As my kids take it
In these little smaller versions
Of the things we make out to be
So extravagant and momentous

Maybe I'd be all right

I called my sister that night
To tell her I had a great idea
For her wedding

Pinatas

Lots and lots
Of pinatas