I Hope It's Small

Well, he got all upset
Because I said 'I hope it's small'
But I did!
I did want it to be small!

It's not like I said it WAS small
I hadn't even seen it at that point
You know, because we were traditional
And we thought--Well, we'll wait
But then the wedding night came
And I thought--Gosh, I hope it's small

And he saw me sort of stirring
And looking nervous
And he asked if I was okay
And I said--'Yes, I just hope it's small'
And that's when he got upset
And asked me why I would hope for something like that
As if I have some sort of weird fetish or something

I said, 'I have no idea what to expect here.'
And he said--'Well, you shouldn't expect that it's SMALL!'

So I said--'Well, IS it small?'
And he said--'I don't want to talk about this anymore!'
And then we both just sort of sat there on the bed
And I thought about crying
But that just seemed ridiculous
Because it was my wedding night
And who cries on their wedding night
I mean, out confusion
Who cries out of confusion?

I mean, if you think about what you're actually...doing...with it
Then it makes sense that you'd want it to be small?

I mean, who would hope that something
Used for that purpose
Would be LARGE

Do you understand what I'm saying?

I mean, when a woman has a baby
Yes, she wants the baby to be healthy
And weight a decent amount
But she doesn't want it to be LARGE

Do you get what I'm saying?
No woman says--

'Gee, I sure hope my baby weighs at least twenty pounds'
I mean, that would just be insane

So yes, I was hoping for something...

You know, manageable

Not tiny, just...
Feasible

Eventually I got him to come back in the room
And sit down
And...resume

And so, of course
I saw it
And...we continued

So...

How was it, I guess
Would be the obvious question

Well, as they say...

Be careful what you wish for