Concessions

The drugs were something
I wasn't willing to concede
There were a lot of things...

I mean, you make concessions
You look the other way
That's part of the general compromise
You know you're entering into
And I knew it was going to be a compromise
I was marrying a successful man
Marrying into success means...

Well, it means you're in
For some acquiescing
You're agreeing to certain things
You, perhaps, didn't think you'd be agreeing to
When you were a little girl
And you were picturing getting married
And you had ideals
And firm thoughts about...

How everything was going to be

The first time he over-powered me
It was a surprise, I'll say that
And, uh, god, this is...

I feel like an idiot
Even talking about this
Because it was a long time ago
And I don't want to give you the idea
That this is something that happened, uh, recently, but...

But, you know, we're talking about this kind of thing
So yes, it happened
It was...rough, uh...

I wasn't expecting it
And I didn't immediately blame drugs on it
I didn't blame anybody
I didn't think it was anything

Just, you know, you're married
Your husband has needs
He's always been...aggressive
And one day he...just sort of...
It's very strange, the whole thing

I didn't cry, I remember that, why cry?
It's your husband
He's your husband and he's on you
He's on you in the kitchen
On the table, so--
Goodness, some people find that romantic
Passionate--you could just say it's passionate
I think I did say that
In my head
But only in my head

We never talked about it
We never talked about any of the times it happened
But, like I said, it didn't happen all the time or anything

And when I found out drugs were behind it
I left--because that was not part of the agreement

And also, he had lost his job
And things were going to get worse
Which meant the drug use was going to get worse
And so it was time to leave
And I was right

Should I have left sooner?

Maybe

But I believed in marriage
I believed in my marriage

And I was willing to put up with a lot
A whole lot

But a man with no job?
And a drug user?

That wasn't somebody
I wanted to be married to