And Ma Will Make You Breakfast

Come home at 12
With your jacket missing
She's chain-smoking
Playing cards
With the security guard
From downstairs

- Ain't he supposed to be watchin' the door?
- Who's going to steal a fuckin' door?

Same old joke
Same old syrupy laugh
Followed by a cough
Followed by 'Oh shit'
Then the seat gets kicked out
And you gotta sit down
And talk about your night
And what year are you in school anyway?
And what day is it?
And are you hungry?
Because you look hungry

- Ma, I ate.
- What'd you eat?
- I ate a sandwich at Billy's.
- Billy's mother can't fucking cook.  She's Irish.
- Yeah, well--
- Billy's mother's a good woman.  But she can't fucking cook, and she knows it.
- I don't know if she knows it, Ma.  Why don't you call and tell her?
- I would, you know.  Don't tease, I would.  I got nothing to hide.

No, everything's out on the table
The cards, the smokes
The left-over chops
The dirty forks
The dog's toy
The assorted lighters
The smoke detector
That had to be taken down from the wall
Because it kept going off

- Fucking thing.
- The smoke's in the walls.
- It's an old house.
- You've been living here since it was built.
- It's the asbestos.
- Asbestos don't set off smoke detectors.
- What are you a science doctor now?

You feel like saying

- No Ma, I'm a drug dealer.
- No Ma, I run packages for Mr. Taylor at the restaurant.
- No Ma, I'm just a waiter.
- No Ma, I work at a gas station.
- No Ma, I hang around and mooch off everybody else.
- Yeah Ma, I'm a science doctor.

Instead you throw your jacket back on
And get ready for another few hours
Away from home

- Eat before you go.
- Ma, I ain't hungry.
- Come back in the morning.  I'll make you breakfast before school.

Breakfast before school
Even though school's all done
Even though even if there were school
There wouldn't be
Because it's July

Even though there aren't any eggs
No bread, no pancake batter
Just cold cuts
And potato chips
And whatever it takes
To make an empty kitchen
Look like whatever's in it
Is extra

'Well if they have potato chips, they must have real food, right?'

Wrong

But come home in a few hours
And Ma will make you breakfast

And you think it's nice that she can think that
Even though you buy her food
And you buy her smokes
And you pay her rent
And you love her to death
And you hate her guts
And you wish she could remember
Which one of her kids you are
Or at least not confuse you
With one of the dead ones

Tell you that you're looking good
And where you been
And all you can say is--

- Sorry Ma, I'll call next time

Even though you live here
She acts like you're a guest
When you show up
A guest she's going to be good to
Because that's how she is
But still, a guest

Someone who'd better know
When they've overstayed their welcome

So you don't stay
And you don't eat
And you don't do much more
Than kiss her on the head
While you're heading out the door

'That's my son,' you hear her say
And the security guard says--'I know who he is, stupid.'

And you don't like that he calls your mother stupid
But what the guard doesn't know
Is she wasn't telling him to tell him
She was telling him
To remind herself

- That's my son.
- I know who he is.

Glad you do, asshole
You think to yourself

Glad somebody knows
Who I am