What If I'm Beautiful?

The thing is...

What if I'm beautiful?

You know, I sit in a window
And stare at this guy
Across the street from me
Who, like, benchpresses cars for fun
And has this incredible smile
And sometimes I see him
Like, walking to school
I see him, and he's--

--Older

But not like insane older
Like, maybe senior year
At some fancy boarding school
Older, or something

Older's not the point though
The point is...

I look at that guy
And then I look at me
And I think
Well, that's not going to work
That's a far-fetched idea, you know?
I mean, that's what I tell myself
So I shut the window
I go to bed
And I imagine a guy I could get
A guy that is not the guy across the street

And then one night, I'm laying there
And I just think to myself--

Why the hell not me, you know?

I mean, what's wrong with me
That benchpresser across the street
Wouldn't love me?

Because in my head
There's a lesser man
Who fits me better?

You know what?

In-My-Head Guy sucks

I don't want him
I don't know him
I don't want to know him

There's a guy I like
And the only problem is
I don't match the criteria
I imagine he has

Can you believe that?

I'm not living up to my own
Imagined criteria
Isn't that nuts?

I decided that this guy
Would turn me down given the chance
So I've turned myself down instead
In his place

And that's...

And then one night, I'm just like...

What if I'm beautiful?

I mean, that's so...

But what if, you know?

I mean, I don't hate myself
I don't think I'm ugly
But I don't think I'm...special

And I might be, you know?
Nobody ever said I wasn't
Except me

And every time I see that guy
He smiles at me
He does
He really...

And I turn away

Because the smile feels like
It fits me wrong
Like, you know
So many other things

Like his honest opinion of me might

Who knows?

I just need to start listening
To a different voice

Maybe I need to stop looking out a window

And start looking in a mirror