Paulina Moderates the Debates

Welcome to political debate
Here in America
Hosted by me
Russia's most favorite journalist
And second most favorite adult entertainment shop owner

Paulina

Let us begin
Exercising our useless democracy
By asking American politicians hard-hitting questions
Like--What is your favorite way to torture bolsheviks?
And--What name do you give at hotels when you are sleeping with sluts who have secret pinunus?

Mr. Democratz, first question to you:

You are riding down road on bike escaping from Communist death camp at which your father works and you see a puppy crossing the road.  You can either run over puppy because you must keep up good time or risk being recaptured, or you can run over puppy just for fun.  What is your answer?

Please remember I have attached buzz buzz pads on your gobobzies
And should you lie
I will make them look
Like California raisins

While you think about that question
I will turn to Mr. Republican

Mr. Republican, the symbol of your party is an elephant, but an elephant is a circus animal and everyone knows circuses are secret societies made up of Communists used to lure children into their web of lies and indentured servitude.  Also, as a child, I read Babar the Elephant, and I did not find it amusing.  What do you have to say about this?

I will also let you come up with an answer
And while I do
I will talk to this beautiful audience
Full of people
Many of them sluts
Who would probably enjoy Paulina's Palace of Porn
Including her newest addition to the store
The Booshnita Bar
Where you are allowed to drink
With your pants off
And your hat on--as Great American Hero Tom Jones would say

What?

British, American--same difference
Both are weak
And love small cars

But I will give you a hand to this
These debates are wonderful

In Russia, the only thing we debate
Is whether or not getting shot in the foot
After you speak out against the tzar
Hurts as much as everybody says it does

Here you have arguments
And discussions
And one man criticizes another man's morals
Without fearing that his wife's head will then be shaved
The very next day

I love this country!

So how, you may ask
Did Paulina, poor peasant girl
From the streets of the old country
Turned successful entreprenatorium
And two-time Chest Magazine 'Best Small Business' award winner,
Wind up moderating big-time Presidential debate?

It turns out these two candidates
Are my two best customers

And even in Land of the Free and Home of the Bras
Blackmail still means something

Ah, that warms my little heart
Just like an old stove in a country brothel

Now, let's get back to the debate!

By the way, gentlemen
Both of you ran up a tab
At the booshnita bar last night
And I expect to be paid
Before end of debate

As Forward-Thinking American Barry Gibb once said--

'Give me liberty
Or give me my money'

Hmm, perhaps Paulina should be the one
Running for Chief President of the Torture Club
And Sometimes United States

After all
Public speaking is my meat spot